i date myself

yes i date myself and i’m proud of it!

what’s not to like?
1) you love yourself
2) you want to spend quality time with yourself, be in your own world, while being surrounded by the beauty of the outside world
3) you can do anything you want, any time you feel like it
4) there’s no one to tell you “why not we do x instead?”
5) or anyone to make decisions for you

so that’s exactly what i did.
on the 21st, after class, i packed my items into a small sling bag (okay a clutch), dolled up and went out.

i had no idea what i was gonna do, i know i needed to get some underwear, i thought it’d be cool if i walked to south wharf, but it wasn’t a to-do. all i knew was that i wanted time alone to myself, to walk, get lost, whatever.

so from my home, i walked to the city. sushi shop at my place was closed so i walked with an empty tummy. didn’t know what i wanted to eat either. then i saw another sushi shop in the city, and got myself 2 crispy chicken handrolls. god sent! (=

saw an outdoor performance and decided to stay and watch. it was entertaining i guess, and i left only when it ended.

walked to flinders station, and decided that i should go to south wharf.
1) i had nothing to do
2) south wharf would be decent exercise for me

took me a good 30mins or so to reach the place.. i checked my map, from my place to southwharf, it’s about 4.2km..

decided to shop, hooray! walked around, visited every shop that i thought was worth it (you know you can’t do that if you’re shopping with a friend).

i probably spent 2.5 hours walking around, sitting to drink, meddle with my purchases… and i left at 6pm as they were closing.

it was already quite dark by then. but it wasn’t raining, so i still felt happy. saw a busker drumming with tin cans, gave him 1/3 of all my coins. saw a group of men dancing, gave them all my coins, except a 2 dollar coin (just in case i needed it)

and that was how my date went.

i know it’s a lil weird dolling up when you’re just going out alone but hey my rationale is..
if you’re going on a date with a guy/girl, you’d wanna look good right? for them, and for yourself.
and if you’re dating yourself, shouldn’t you wanna look good for yourself too? and be happy? it’s different from wearing a simple t shirt and shorts and slippers and just going out to walk in the park…

can’t wait to go on my next self-adventure. (=

vocal folds vs vagina

look at this:

these are your vocal folds.
they’re in your mouth. (the one on your face) to be exact, your throat. you need them to make all sorts of sounds. a normal sound, a creaky sound (like croaking), whispering…

doesn’t it look like

a vagina?

is that why guys think they can either put their dick into a girl’s mouth or their vagina? like, penetrative sex, or oral sex? are they somewhat confused? i mean, if they didn’t attend biology class, then those two might look similar…. and if you’re that stupid you could mistake one for the other and somehow..

“that’s a.. vocal t.. no wait, vag. oh hmm. vag? vocal tract? oh shit i can’t tell the difference! now the girl is gonna think i’m some dumb rugby jock who knows nothing! okay let’s play it cool, calm the fuck down.. think.. think…. oh heck let’s just put my dick in and see what happens”

ps: the only reason why i noticed is because i’m doing a module ‘phonetics’ and we gotta learn the parts of your mouth/throat.

why i wouldn’t want a daughter

i really pity parents who have daughters.. like okay 1 or 2 is fine.. but if you had like 4.. then bless you. seriously.

1) those who have baby boys are said to have interesting sex lifes
now i don’t know if it’s true, but if it really is, and you have 10 daughters, everyone can guess which position you used. and you wouldn’t want to be “that couple” would you?

2) unwanted pregnancy
if you had a son, would you be that worried? the ans is NO. a boy cannot get pregnant. have you seen anyone shaming a boy for getting a girl pregnant? NO. the girl is called a slut, a whore, the list is endless
- her friends will mock her
- her friends’ parents will mock her and tell their kid to stay away from your kid. yes. simply because if your pregnant daughter mixes with their daughters, they will somehow magically get pregnant. in this day and age, pregnancy is passed through like, bluetooth.
- her friends’ parents will look down on you. and you’ll be the topic of every dinner conversation
- YOUR friends will say that you didn’t teach your child the right values. sure they might not say it to your face, but they’ll do it behind your back and tell their kids about how your daughter is a slut.

now, if you had a boy, would people do that? it’s society’s way of treating women as the weaker sex, and shit happens.

3) relationships
you’ll worry if your daughter has a boyfriend when she hits 13. (thus point 2). you’ll worry if she is having sex behind your back, despite the very useful sex talk.

i’ve no idea what give parents the idea that just because they had the one-time sex talk with their kid, their kid will remain a virgin till they’re married. seriously.

on the other hand, you’ll worry if your son doesn’t have a girlfriend (what makes him so unlikable?!) does he smell? is he too short or fat? why doesn’t any girl want to shag him?

4) period pains
any girl who goes through this monthly will tell you how she desperately wants to remove her vag and fling it at the guy she hates. #truestoryforme

the popping of the pills don’t work. the more pills you eat, the more immune your body is to it.
the hot water bottle doesn’t work.
the only thing you can do? sleep it off.

also, to whisper (the pad company) have a happy period? THAT’S YOUR TAG LINE? WHO THE FUCK CAME UP WITH IT? A GUY?

WELL FUCK YOU. PERIODS ARE NEVER HAPPY. women get so bloody angsty during “that time of the month” NOTHING makes them happy. if you remove the source of bleeding maybe they’ll be happy BUT YOU CANT. so how the fuck can you have a happy period. explain, please. i’m dying to hear it.

ps: im having my period now, thus, yea. self explanatory.

you’ll never hear your son complaining about how his dick bleeds, or has cramps. though if your son does, i honestly think you should stop reading my blog and bring him to the A&E department.

5) cost of monthly items
having a daughter means an increase in expenditure.
- pads/tampons monthly
- clothes. girls shop like crazy
- bras and different kinds of underwear
- accessories and jewelry
- birkin. every girl wants one secretly. if you have the money to bring a girl up, better prepare to save for a birkin for her 50th 10th birthday
- make up. unlike the birkin, make up can’t last. put it on, wipe it off a few hours later. xrepeat for years
- shoes to go with the bag AND clothes. yes everything has to match
- beauty stuff. waxing, manicures, other stuff girls do…

for a guy? 5 black t shirts, 1 pair of jeans, a pair of sneakers, you’re set for life. underwear is optional (quoted from my brother’s t shirt).

6) bitching and gossiping
girls get together to gossip. update everyone on their lives, bitch about friends/relatives/pet rock… it’s disastrous. i worry my kid will go through that and not make it out alive.

guys.. guys tend to handle it better, they get together, eat pizza, play WoW. yeh, shitz like that.

and this is why i don’t want a daughter.
ideally, my child should magically appear when he is 21. he should also be good looking and have a good heart so i wouldn’t need to worry about him being a jerk to girls, or a jerk to his mom (me).

pads and tissues

so that day a guy friend was asking

“what’s the difference between a panty liner and a pad?”

and another once asked

“how do you guys pee when you have your period huh”

to which i snorted

“oi never learn bio ah?! women have 3 holes ok?”

so me being me… i really have to say something about this!
guys don’t know much about period and all, it freaks them out sometimes, esp if they were in an all-boys sch from pri sch all the way till sec4…

my analogy regarding panty liners and pads is like this.. panty liners, for light flow, super light, when its ending
pads for heavier flow

of course this grosses guys out when we talk about blood. it makes me feel icky too.. so that’s when the tissue paper thing comes in..

when you perspire, you just need a tissue to wipe it off right? but after bathing, your whole body is wet. if i give you 1 piece of tissue paper to dry yourself, cannot right? you need a towel to absorb more water…

so same thing. pads are for when you need to absorb more blood, and panty liners, when it’s realllly little..

so yea that’s my analogy hAHAHAH SHOULD BE EASY TO UNDERSTAND RIGHT?

the male ejaculation theory

was talking to andy (yea forever telling him crappy stuff hahah), asking him to choose something for me and he said

“i like white stuff”

and I was like “yea dude, I know, if not you won’t pcc”

and he said that pcc-ing isn’t about seeing white stuff to make you happy.

but my point of view is..
without the white stuff coming out, would you feel happy?
you’d feel like shit. i’d liken it to.. you’re at the top of the rollercoaster ride, and no matter what you do, you keep climbing higher and higher, but there’s never the point of time where you suddenly tip over real quick and feel so free.

so yea. i kinda think guys do it to see the white stuff. haah!

the penis theory

i thought of this. so.. if anyone told you about it. IT CAME FROM ME.

andy and i were talking about dick size and i was saying i don’t get a guy with a small (and short) dick cos then if i wanted to be preggers, the sperm must swim for damn long. and the chances of them dying is higher.

and, in his words.. he said “simi theory” and “this one is depending on sperm count”

BUT. amazing and awesome me managed to prove that my theory is right. logical.

gave him this explanation.

You’re sitting in a train from Clementi to Pasir Ris. and 1/2 way, the train spoils, dropping you off at Raffles Place. Somehow, the only choice you have, is to walk from Raffles Place to Pasir Ris.

going by Andy’s explaination, it doesn’t matter, sperm count, and propably how strong the sperm is.. thus meaning that it doesn’t matter where the train stops at, as long as you have the stamina to walk there.

BUT.. surely the train plays a part?
if the train spoilt at Simei instead, it would have been easier for one to walk from Simei to Pasir Ris, compared to walking from Raffles Place to Pasir Ris, no?

you’d need so much more determination to get to your destination…

and thus I conclude. if you want a higher chance of getting pregnant, you need to pray that your dude has a longer dick. the chances of you getting pregnant are higher. of course, if he only has quantity and not quality, you’re still doomed.

ps: if you want to know andy’s response…

“HAHAHAHAH THIS IS A DAMN WTF MOMENT”
“how you come up with such a theory seriously”
“hahahahah”
“true la”

so yes. if even he, as a guy, agrees with me.. i wish all the other guys luck. haha it’s not my fault if you don’t get laid.