why i don’t date.

stop asking me, and read!

1) just not interested in you. so even if you ask me out i’ll say no.

2) if i don’t see myself being together with you, i won’t even bother, because i don’t want to waste my time.

3) i really hate awkward meetings where people go out 1-on-1 and the silence makes you want to stab the person

4) i generally do not go out with people (even friends) 1-on-1..

5) right now i’d rather meet my friends.. and spend time with them, rather than going out with just 1 person. of course, going out with you means i’ll have stories to tell all my friends.. lol

6) $$ comes first, the rest can come later..

why dating is a chore for me
1) I think to myself 24/7.. dont fall. dont fall. dont fall. ya i think falling in front of your date is fucking embarrassing, and the chances of it happening to me is so high…
solution: don’t wear heels. but flats dont really look nice w some dresses.. so.. don’t date at all.

2) when the guy cannot decide what to eat, it annoys me to no end. erm dude, it’s just food, stop asking me what i feel like eating, i’ll survive. if i had a craving i’ll let you know okay?
solution: don’t date at all

3) must order the right kinda food. order things that will make a mess = clothes will get dirty.. knowing me.. sigh. i am very clumsy!
solution: eat carrot sticks and pretend to love it. or don’t date at all

4) i have this WEIRD points system in my head..

5) i dont think im allowed to use vulgarities on a date… or talk too much.. if not the guy will think im retarded. if i keep quiet.. the guy will think im stupid. save you the trouble, we talk on msn ok?
solution: keep to polite conversations like “why is the sky blue?” or “how can we save the earth?”, or if you hate your date, use vulgarities excessively like “nabei this thing fucking nice leh?!” or don’t date at all.

6) THAT awkward moment when you finish a topic and there’s silence..
solution: play with your food if you guys are eating, look up in the sky and pretend it’s damn interesting, even if there’s no moon/stars/clouds all you see is a black piece of construction paper. or don’t date at all

7) gotta smile the whole time. erm okay. even if you want to roll your eyes so badly.
solution: roll your eyes and get away from the date. smile and pretend to enjoy yourself while you’re stabbing yourself inside. or don’t date at all.

8 ) the bill. if the date isn’t going well, you won’t want the guy to pay because you technically “owe” him then. and it might lead to date no. 2 which is the last thing you want. besides, you don’t wanna seem like a freeloader.. so how?!
solution: state from the start who’ll pay. or go on dutch. or don’t date at all.

9) that weird moment when you guys are going home and you don’t know how to say “oh okay good night!”

you know how girls are..
they might not want you to send them home, but they still want you to offer.. and when they say no you should insist a bit cos it shows sincereity.

scenario 1

girl: okay.. i’m going home now
guy: okay.. good night! bye! see you online
girl (in her head): NBPCB NEVER OFFER TO SEND ME HOME?!
girl: okay.. bye..

guy will be clueless when girl ignores him for the next few days, appears cold. girl’s friends (yes, all) will gossip about guy, and how men these days are. they will come up with reasons why girl shouldn’t date guy anymore, and how girl is better off without him

scenario 2

girl: okay.. i’m going home now
guy: let me send you home..
girl: no.. it’s okay.. i’ll go home myself..
guy: okay.. good night! bye! see you online
girl (in her head): NBPCB NEVER INSIST ON SENDING ME HOME?! so he didn’t want to send me home in the first place is it?!
girl: okay.. bye..

guy will be clueless, AGAIN. girl will be angry, AGAIN. girl’s friends will also know about this and they will come up with 100 reasons why guy is such a hypocrite.

scenario 3

girl: okay.. i’m going home now
guy: let me send you home..
girl: no.. it’s okay.. i’ll go home myself..
guy: no no.. let me send you home
girl: but i wanna go meet my friends..
guy: then let me send you to meet your friends, at least i know you’ll be safe
girl (in her head): fucking hell, he’s so annoying. no means no what?!
girl: don’t worry! i will be fine! -quickly hops into a taxi-

obviously, guy won’t know what’s happening. girl will feel that guy is being too controlling, and will try to ignore guy for a few days as he is too stuffy. girl’s friends will know about it, and they will laugh.

wow, guy kinda never wins eh? this is why guys complain about girls, and this is why girls find it hard to like a guy.

x
so people say “wa, damn bitchy, say no one wants you. people want then you don’t want. so fussy”

orh. ok lor. single then single lor
so troublesome right?! SEE THIS IS WHY I DON’T DATE.

awkward long long ago

years ago (oh god i sound like a dinosaur)

X: hey are you free on feb 14th..?
me: yea. why? are we celebrating lloyd’s birthday? (lloyd was a mutual friend.. of sorts)
X: no.. but do you want to go out with me?
me: is this a joke?

a few texts later… it went along the lines of
me: huh so you like me??
X: yes
me: oh. okay..
X: will you be my girlfriend?
me: call me and ask.

and that, padawans, is how i met my ex boyfriend.
we got together that night after i made him call me.
(erm yes i made him call me to ask “will you be my girlfriend” and he was whispering like an idiot it was funny and awkward. BUT HAHA SERIOUSLY SINCE YOUNG I’VE BEEN SO AMUSING RIGHT?)

2 days later, we broke up. lol.
fun times, indeed.
young love(=

happy valentines’ day everyone!
i’ve never really believed in it

the penis theory

i thought of this. so.. if anyone told you about it. IT CAME FROM ME.

andy and i were talking about dick size and i was saying i don’t get a guy with a small (and short) dick cos then if i wanted to be preggers, the sperm must swim for damn long. and the chances of them dying is higher.

and, in his words.. he said “simi theory” and “this one is depending on sperm count”

BUT. amazing and awesome me managed to prove that my theory is right. logical.

gave him this explanation.

You’re sitting in a train from Clementi to Pasir Ris. and 1/2 way, the train spoils, dropping you off at Raffles Place. Somehow, the only choice you have, is to walk from Raffles Place to Pasir Ris.

going by Andy’s explaination, it doesn’t matter, sperm count, and propably how strong the sperm is.. thus meaning that it doesn’t matter where the train stops at, as long as you have the stamina to walk there.

BUT.. surely the train plays a part?
if the train spoilt at Simei instead, it would have been easier for one to walk from Simei to Pasir Ris, compared to walking from Raffles Place to Pasir Ris, no?

you’d need so much more determination to get to your destination…

and thus I conclude. if you want a higher chance of getting pregnant, you need to pray that your dude has a longer dick. the chances of you getting pregnant are higher. of course, if he only has quantity and not quality, you’re still doomed.

ps: if you want to know andy’s response…

“HAHAHAHAH THIS IS A DAMN WTF MOMENT”
“how you come up with such a theory seriously”
“hahahahah”
“true la”

so yes. if even he, as a guy, agrees with me.. i wish all the other guys luck. haha it’s not my fault if you don’t get laid.

life as it is

so yesterday I was feeling really horrid. :/ dejected, rejected. it was quite a 180 degree turn from how happy I was the previous night/nights.

but I guess the most important thing is to stay grounded. we can all get caught up in the moment but it should stop there. whatever happened at that period of time shouldn’t be brought forward. like, you can think of how nice X situation was, but you shouldn’t go on hoping for more to come. because along with expectations, disappointments happen.

last night I slept with a heavy heart. all my insecurities were eating me throughout the evening/night, I simply had no mood to do any work of sorts. I was even moping online. thank God for g and cass, though.

and here’s what I was… feeling “Crappy” about.
1) school. never actually realised journals had to be used, and not like, normal websites. beating myself for that, really. how silly of me.

2) assignments. I’ve 3 due when break ends. and because I was feeling crappy I had no motivation. then I felt crappy for having no motivation. put on repeat.

3) church. as much as I wanna be closer to God, there’s just.. so many things… I’m not wanting to do. being committed for example. for cell group, for church, I still feel pressurised to go, to be like them. all.. holy and unjudgemental (though i really don’t believe people don’t judge.) and how when life “sucks”, people can still praise God.

4) commitments. I’ve not found a part time job here because.. I really don’t like the idea of committing to anything. I want to be free, I don’t want my day to be full of timetables. (brings it back to going to church and all… it’s a cycle)

5) boys.

6) self bashing. on how I’m too fat, too lazy, fat arms, tummy, fat legs, chubby face. what’s new?

and before I slept I was asking God why it’s so hard for me to be truly happy, to not have that emptiness, that void inside me.

Haven’t gotten the answer yet but this morning, instead of wakin up to the alarm clock, I decided to sleep in, laze in bed. Woke up, and felt tonnes better. there was the “well, whatever happens, happens. not gonna care too much about it.”

so there we have it. long.. emo/neutral post.

hi there!

I’m still alive, don’t worry!
Kinda sleepy today, shall wake up and study tmr. i so have to! lagging behind.

Ah well, I’ll leave you with this.

ps: it’s so cute how both of us are framed in the same way. facing left, turning to smile. HAH. talk about perfect lurveee<3<3