period woes

FUCKKKKKK. can my period just come already?!?!?!!?

i’m so majorly fucking pissed off, seriously….
-bangs head-

my period screws my whole body up urgh &*%$#$%

1) my mood is greatly affected. in the most fucking bad way.
2) i bloat like a bitchy pufferfish. like weight gain xfewkg. not kidding.
3) i crave for chocolate. wtf? i hate chocolate and one day out of 31 days i CRAVE for it?!
4) whatever i eat, i won’t be satisfied. i’ll still be grumpy and unhappy. so i’ll stuff my face for the whole damn day but still not find something good to make me happy
5) indigestion. for a whole day. wow.

so yea. i hate my period. and the pre-period. angsty…

kan suay much?!

name woes

so whenever i order food and people ask for my name, i’ll usually tell them “tai”. simply because no one ever spells my name right.

like the variations.. oh my.
sharmaine
shermaine
charmane
chermane
or some random malay/indian name. SO WERID. i once got into a cab, and i say it as “ms sharminah” FUCK. stupid bitch didn’t have the courtesy to ask me how to spell my name?

list goes on. damnit it’s charmaine.
i mean it’s okay if you can’t pronounce my name, or if you can’t spell it. but it’s not ok to just pretend that you do, and then call me by a different name. can’t you just open your fucking mouth to ask me how to spell it or something? that’s the problem with humans. we always assume. we never like to clarify matters, and that causes shit load of problems in the end. fuck, asking a question would kill?

and when people write my name on food packets, the closest they write is “char” and then the “maine” part are just random squiggles. DAMNIT. how are you gonna pronounce that later you tell me?! you’re just hoping i stand up when you say “char” or something. i’d love to glare at you when you don’t pronounce the 2nd part of my name.

what’s that? chinese people can’t have legit english names…?
yea some aussie fucker told me that my name is fake and that chinese people should stick to chinese names. he asked my why i wasn’t proud of my chinese name and that i had to pretend to be western and get an english name. woahhh bitch. you.did.not.just.say.that. take yo damn face and shove it up your ass. cos bitch ain’t going nowhere with this “chinese name” shit. that’s bloody racist and if you wanna be so uptight about shit like this, go screw a wall. that mofo was really racist man. how do you answer people like that? seriously? i mean not all aussies are like that, but damnnngurl, that was bad.

people are deaf. DEAF DEAF DEAF. i tell them “tai” and i spell it out for them and THEY STILL GET IT WRONG.

YO BITCH CAN’T HEAR ME SPEAK? just pass me the damn marker, i’ll write the shit out foyou.

classic example… at starbucks.

me: green tea latte please. venti
guy: okay. name?
me: tai. like. t a i.
guy: ok.
friend: why can’t you tell them your name is charmaine?
me: because people cant spell my name. spell it in the worst manner. tai is 3 letters.. you’ll be surprised they still get it wrong.

and you know in starbucks, they call out your name and you collect your drink? well that lady said “green tea latte venti” and i was like “see, bet they got my name wrong…”

because
1)what happens when 10 people ordered green tea latte venti? then 10 people will go up and collect the 1 pathetic drink?
2) why bother asking for my name if you’re not gonna use it? might as well write “green tea latte venti” on the damn cup?

and then yea they put my name in some hugeass font. TI.

SMLJ TI? were you deaf when i said “tai. t. a. i” and please the place was empty there was only me who was ordering at that time.

so ti =? tee? hello?

honestly? i might just change my ordering name to like “mary” or some shit like that. something people won’t have a problem spelling.

being an educator isn’t easy

what an educator would not say to her students

“us teachers have to dress up for school, wear make up to cover our flaws because you students actually dare to comment that our complexion isn’t good. you think damn fun ah? wake up to put eyeliner and all the shit that makes us look like a ghost.”

or

“harlow, you think i want to give you compos is it? we open our mouths, give one essay, and the next day, 40 sub par essays slap us in the face. you think we feel shiok ah?”

because i’ve actually heard a student bitch/complain, saying another teacher has a very horrid complexion, and needs concealer. WHERE DO KIDS COME FROM THESE DAYS? NARNIA?

and another student actually asked the teacher (i happened to be monitoring that class)
“oi cher, why you everyday wear the same clothes”

^&$%^#$% -flings random book at student-
since when did students care about a teacher’s appearance!?

i am so glad they didn’t say that to me because
1) someone would have gotten injured -waves fist-
2) would have lost my job that same day

why i wouldn’t want a daughter

i really pity parents who have daughters.. like okay 1 or 2 is fine.. but if you had like 4.. then bless you. seriously.

1) those who have baby boys are said to have interesting sex lifes
now i don’t know if it’s true, but if it really is, and you have 10 daughters, everyone can guess which position you used. and you wouldn’t want to be “that couple” would you?

2) unwanted pregnancy
if you had a son, would you be that worried? the ans is NO. a boy cannot get pregnant. have you seen anyone shaming a boy for getting a girl pregnant? NO. the girl is called a slut, a whore, the list is endless
- her friends will mock her
- her friends’ parents will mock her and tell their kid to stay away from your kid. yes. simply because if your pregnant daughter mixes with their daughters, they will somehow magically get pregnant. in this day and age, pregnancy is passed through like, bluetooth.
- her friends’ parents will look down on you. and you’ll be the topic of every dinner conversation
- YOUR friends will say that you didn’t teach your child the right values. sure they might not say it to your face, but they’ll do it behind your back and tell their kids about how your daughter is a slut.

now, if you had a boy, would people do that? it’s society’s way of treating women as the weaker sex, and shit happens.

3) relationships
you’ll worry if your daughter has a boyfriend when she hits 13. (thus point 2). you’ll worry if she is having sex behind your back, despite the very useful sex talk.

i’ve no idea what give parents the idea that just because they had the one-time sex talk with their kid, their kid will remain a virgin till they’re married. seriously.

on the other hand, you’ll worry if your son doesn’t have a girlfriend (what makes him so unlikable?!) does he smell? is he too short or fat? why doesn’t any girl want to shag him?

4) period pains
any girl who goes through this monthly will tell you how she desperately wants to remove her vag and fling it at the guy she hates. #truestoryforme

the popping of the pills don’t work. the more pills you eat, the more immune your body is to it.
the hot water bottle doesn’t work.
the only thing you can do? sleep it off.

also, to whisper (the pad company) have a happy period? THAT’S YOUR TAG LINE? WHO THE FUCK CAME UP WITH IT? A GUY?

WELL FUCK YOU. PERIODS ARE NEVER HAPPY. women get so bloody angsty during “that time of the month” NOTHING makes them happy. if you remove the source of bleeding maybe they’ll be happy BUT YOU CANT. so how the fuck can you have a happy period. explain, please. i’m dying to hear it.

ps: im having my period now, thus, yea. self explanatory.

you’ll never hear your son complaining about how his dick bleeds, or has cramps. though if your son does, i honestly think you should stop reading my blog and bring him to the A&E department.

5) cost of monthly items
having a daughter means an increase in expenditure.
- pads/tampons monthly
- clothes. girls shop like crazy
- bras and different kinds of underwear
- accessories and jewelry
- birkin. every girl wants one secretly. if you have the money to bring a girl up, better prepare to save for a birkin for her 50th 10th birthday
- make up. unlike the birkin, make up can’t last. put it on, wipe it off a few hours later. xrepeat for years
- shoes to go with the bag AND clothes. yes everything has to match
- beauty stuff. waxing, manicures, other stuff girls do…

for a guy? 5 black t shirts, 1 pair of jeans, a pair of sneakers, you’re set for life. underwear is optional (quoted from my brother’s t shirt).

6) bitching and gossiping
girls get together to gossip. update everyone on their lives, bitch about friends/relatives/pet rock… it’s disastrous. i worry my kid will go through that and not make it out alive.

guys.. guys tend to handle it better, they get together, eat pizza, play WoW. yeh, shitz like that.

and this is why i don’t want a daughter.
ideally, my child should magically appear when he is 21. he should also be good looking and have a good heart so i wouldn’t need to worry about him being a jerk to girls, or a jerk to his mom (me).

chanel inspired? really? love bonito?

i’m honestly upset that love, bonito is producing “chanel-inspired” sandals.

just last night i was telling my friend that love, bonito is my fav online place to shop at, and before that i was telling joyce “look at the model’s sandals… doesn’t that look like it’s from chanel..?” and i tried to zoom in and see BUT IT WAS PIXELATED. and i was quite sure it was a copy..

and today on my fb guess what, love, bonito posted some “chanel inspired” sandals AND IT WAS THE ONE ON THEIR MODEL.

and i’m so freaking annoyed i just have to blog about it!

sure, other stupid blog shops are copying the high end brands, and my (what used to be) fav blog shop is doing that too ))=

1) im crazy about chanel sandals since i saw them.. and i really want to own one but it’s not practical, and i would never want a fake chanel or anything of the sort. sorry if you want people to ‘envy’ you for owning something branded, at least let it be real…

2) i really respect love, bonito… and now… meh~ kinda disappointing considering velda does spend quite a sum on chanel… i mean, you’re supporting their brand, and there you are making ‘copies’ and being ‘inspired’? it’s killing the industry you’re working in.. just.. doesn’t make sense.. doesn’t it show you’re a money grubber with no care about the fashion industry at all…? and with the money you earned by making those products, you will go on and buy more chanel or something…

it’s like being a vegetarian yet carrying cow skin / lamb skin / snake skin / crocodile skin bags. fuck off.

3) i actually thought of workin there next time! that day my sis sent me their job link thingy haha joke of the yr… now we know who i won’t want to be working for anymore…

4) if u honestly didn’t realise your design was so similar to another product, sure.. though you should have done some research.. but to blatantly put it as “chanel-inspired”… how low can one go…

5) it annoys me that over 100+ people liked that item on facebook… okay sure, consumers will buy it cos it’s a majorly cheap rip off… and i blame people for buying fake products, but above all i can’t understand those who cater to their demand…

i know they might have ‘copied’ other things and all but this is just.. urgh? sure i know for it to not infringe copyright thought must have been put into their “new” product. eg, material (for sure it isn’t lambskin)…

and i do realise other blog shops are doing that too.. but this just hits a raw nerve..

okay idk im just sad now.

dream

i had the most disturbing dream ever. :// so much frustration and heartache.

but ok before that particular dream.. there was 2 others. :/

somehow ended up playing character 1 from MBK2000. it’s a shooting game where you run around and survive alien attacks. very very old game my bro and i used to play it all the time. so i was playing the character itself, and instead of their superguns i had a pistol. obviously couldn’t shoot fast enough, and the aliens came chasing after me. ran down the ladder, into the lift, and viola. new dimension. was at the singapore zoo. was supposed to meet my mum but i couldn’t find her. then i saw all my church members roaming around and i asked them for help but noooo all being bitchez they gave excuses. anyhoo i found her in the end.

2nd dream.. i was teaching math to a class, i knew what the formula was yet i couldn’t copy it properly. (a+b)(a-b) which will equal to (a sq + 2ab + b sq). and it just got sooo bad. this kinda ruins one of my future jobs cos i’ve been thinking about giving math tuition since i love math?

okay horrifying dream now.

was with my sis and a few other people. was at the beach surfing when i saw that there was this huge patch of sand, like a small island. and i was marveling at how the waters were creeping up to the island yet it didn’t cover the whole thing? like there was this big enough patch of sand left untouched. and i was like, cool, we could walk over and lie on the sand, the waters wont touch us anyway.

and to my horror the waters did cover the sand, and i realised the sea was super stormy-ish and angry.. the sandy island started being vertical like a wall and it was slowly crashing into the sea. and i freaked out and was like screaming “i think there’s gna be a tsunami” and when we looked at our own beach, it was somewhat like the vertical walls too. walls made out of sand and it was impossible to climb. but i realised the pattern. like when the waves crashed into the island, the walls would droop, and we could climb, then wait for the next crash.

ended up running through baillieu lib (i think cos i went there the other day?) and down the stairs and somehow everyone gathered there like hoards of people.

and then when we were on higher ground, we saw the sea, and the 2 pathetic islands being tossed around. also saw a huge amount of houses being swept away and i started sobbing (not irl) because we were there like a min ago. then the waves got angrier and headed towards us…. and somehow the group of us became enclosed in this bus and we were pushed away and i was like “we’re so gna die being in a vehicle” ykno with water seeping in..

and i saw my popo on the bus.. it was horrifying because she was weak, and my aunt put an oxygen mask around her face but she insisted on taking it off. like she wanted to die if we all died too. :/ we took deep breaths as if it was our last. and then we saw the sg ECP highway(wow random much? fav highway of all time) and i told the driver to steer to the path that led us to the flyover so we’ll be on higher grounds again..

managed to stop and a few other buses were behind.. remembered that lamley worked at 1 altitude and that was where i could get everyone to safely so we ran to this lobby with like 30+ lifts and wow there i was my church members again and i was so pissed cos they were asking qns like “are u sure there’s a tsunami…” and “is it a false alarm”. bitchz, pls. the water currents brought you here.

and i decided to shut the huge doors against them. and then i told them what to do. like go to lvl 63 and take 1 more storey up to 63 haha. and look for billy. or lamley. and everyone did and we were safe hooray. amazingly people let us in.

the end. my hands are tired, this post is so %#$ but i need to let it out. urg

why i don’t date.

stop asking me, and read!

1) just not interested in you. so even if you ask me out i’ll say no.

2) if i don’t see myself being together with you, i won’t even bother, because i don’t want to waste my time.

3) i really hate awkward meetings where people go out 1-on-1 and the silence makes you want to stab the person

4) i generally do not go out with people (even friends) 1-on-1..

5) right now i’d rather meet my friends.. and spend time with them, rather than going out with just 1 person. of course, going out with you means i’ll have stories to tell all my friends.. lol

6) $$ comes first, the rest can come later..

why dating is a chore for me
1) I think to myself 24/7.. dont fall. dont fall. dont fall. ya i think falling in front of your date is fucking embarrassing, and the chances of it happening to me is so high…
solution: don’t wear heels. but flats dont really look nice w some dresses.. so.. don’t date at all.

2) when the guy cannot decide what to eat, it annoys me to no end. erm dude, it’s just food, stop asking me what i feel like eating, i’ll survive. if i had a craving i’ll let you know okay?
solution: don’t date at all

3) must order the right kinda food. order things that will make a mess = clothes will get dirty.. knowing me.. sigh. i am very clumsy!
solution: eat carrot sticks and pretend to love it. or don’t date at all

4) i have this WEIRD points system in my head..

5) i dont think im allowed to use vulgarities on a date… or talk too much.. if not the guy will think im retarded. if i keep quiet.. the guy will think im stupid. save you the trouble, we talk on msn ok?
solution: keep to polite conversations like “why is the sky blue?” or “how can we save the earth?”, or if you hate your date, use vulgarities excessively like “nabei this thing fucking nice leh?!” or don’t date at all.

6) THAT awkward moment when you finish a topic and there’s silence..
solution: play with your food if you guys are eating, look up in the sky and pretend it’s damn interesting, even if there’s no moon/stars/clouds all you see is a black piece of construction paper. or don’t date at all

7) gotta smile the whole time. erm okay. even if you want to roll your eyes so badly.
solution: roll your eyes and get away from the date. smile and pretend to enjoy yourself while you’re stabbing yourself inside. or don’t date at all.

8 ) the bill. if the date isn’t going well, you won’t want the guy to pay because you technically “owe” him then. and it might lead to date no. 2 which is the last thing you want. besides, you don’t wanna seem like a freeloader.. so how?!
solution: state from the start who’ll pay. or go on dutch. or don’t date at all.

9) that weird moment when you guys are going home and you don’t know how to say “oh okay good night!”

you know how girls are..
they might not want you to send them home, but they still want you to offer.. and when they say no you should insist a bit cos it shows sincereity.

scenario 1

girl: okay.. i’m going home now
guy: okay.. good night! bye! see you online
girl (in her head): NBPCB NEVER OFFER TO SEND ME HOME?!
girl: okay.. bye..

guy will be clueless when girl ignores him for the next few days, appears cold. girl’s friends (yes, all) will gossip about guy, and how men these days are. they will come up with reasons why girl shouldn’t date guy anymore, and how girl is better off without him

scenario 2

girl: okay.. i’m going home now
guy: let me send you home..
girl: no.. it’s okay.. i’ll go home myself..
guy: okay.. good night! bye! see you online
girl (in her head): NBPCB NEVER INSIST ON SENDING ME HOME?! so he didn’t want to send me home in the first place is it?!
girl: okay.. bye..

guy will be clueless, AGAIN. girl will be angry, AGAIN. girl’s friends will also know about this and they will come up with 100 reasons why guy is such a hypocrite.

scenario 3

girl: okay.. i’m going home now
guy: let me send you home..
girl: no.. it’s okay.. i’ll go home myself..
guy: no no.. let me send you home
girl: but i wanna go meet my friends..
guy: then let me send you to meet your friends, at least i know you’ll be safe
girl (in her head): fucking hell, he’s so annoying. no means no what?!
girl: don’t worry! i will be fine! -quickly hops into a taxi-

obviously, guy won’t know what’s happening. girl will feel that guy is being too controlling, and will try to ignore guy for a few days as he is too stuffy. girl’s friends will know about it, and they will laugh.

wow, guy kinda never wins eh? this is why guys complain about girls, and this is why girls find it hard to like a guy.

x
so people say “wa, damn bitchy, say no one wants you. people want then you don’t want. so fussy”

orh. ok lor. single then single lor
so troublesome right?! SEE THIS IS WHY I DON’T DATE.

awkward long long ago

years ago (oh god i sound like a dinosaur)

X: hey are you free on feb 14th..?
me: yea. why? are we celebrating lloyd’s birthday? (lloyd was a mutual friend.. of sorts)
X: no.. but do you want to go out with me?
me: is this a joke?

a few texts later… it went along the lines of
me: huh so you like me??
X: yes
me: oh. okay..
X: will you be my girlfriend?
me: call me and ask.

and that, padawans, is how i met my ex boyfriend.
we got together that night after i made him call me.
(erm yes i made him call me to ask “will you be my girlfriend” and he was whispering like an idiot it was funny and awkward. BUT HAHA SERIOUSLY SINCE YOUNG I’VE BEEN SO AMUSING RIGHT?)

2 days later, we broke up. lol.
fun times, indeed.
young love(=

happy valentines’ day everyone!
i’ve never really believed in it

weight issues

everyone’s wondering why girls never find themselves too skinny.

IRONY
the same person who goes round saying “fuck lah, stupid girls all wanna be so skinny.. all not nice lor! where got nice??” turns to another friend and says “can you stop eating?? you’re getting fatter you know??”

ever since i came back from melbourne, everyone has said i’ve put on weight. making fucking snide comments like

“ask your sister to go lose some weight lah”
“i couldn’t recognise you!”
“why did you eat so much in melbourne? never exercise right?”
“wow you’re so fat now you’ve put on a lot of weight you know that right???”

the list goes on and on…

seriously, what the fuck. would you want me to lose X amt of weight so you’ll be happy? fuck you! lao niang can inflate and deflate as she wants, thank you very much.

i was never happy with my weight since young. i tipped the scales at 48 in sec school, and it went down to 43 after stuff happened. even at 43, i was not happy. i hated the way i looked, i hated how i was so fat and ugly and even though everyone told me i looked fine, even ghostly because i was too skinny, i felt i was FAT. FAT FAT FAT.

and then i got to 45, and then 48, then 50 and i still wasn’t happy. obviously, since i put on weight, even though i was actually trying to lose it.

i’d go crazy every time i weighed myself and i’ll even cry about it.. still, i continued putting on weight… yes hello i’m above 50, doesn’t take a genius to realise that..

and guys who talk to me are like “but you’re not fat what! where got fat?? please lah, as long as you are below 50kg, you are not fat!”

one guy even went “those above 50 should be careful.. but other than that, not fat what?”

and i’m like “i’m above 50kg excuse me?”

and they’ll just shut up for a moment, and go “but you’re not fat lah!!”

it’s apparent that 50 is the magic number.. which is crazy.

the silver lining is i’ve begun to appreciate myself for who i am. fat/skinny, whatever. i’m happy. i’m happy being this weight. i do wish it would go down so i can wear the clothes i once wore, but bottom line is: i’m happy.

and your shit about people being fat, really? have you ever realised your stupid words can crush a girl’s world in a matter of seconds? you probably don’t realise the impact of your words, do you?

seriously guys, you wonder why people have anorexia, why they’re taking slimming pills, exercising excessively, refuse to eat… it’s because of you!

stop stop stop telling people they’re fat. their size has nothing to do with how amazing their personalities are. you’ve no idea how much weight (ohh pun) your words hold.

sing a song about money

i can’t help but think every time i spend, that money can be used for something better.

but there’s just that deep craving to continue buying nice and expensive items. a lil bit here, a lil more over there.

the value of money is dropping. i’m working but i still can’t grasp the value of money. well done char.

in the past, we work to survive, to live comfortably. and now, we work to spend lavishly on un-needed items.

we’re getting more affluent.

one thing’s for sure. every time i spend unnecessarily, i’m 1 step further away from owning my own home.