im still alive!!

errr yea. HI.
my life isn’t that interesting at the moment, it’s either school, cca, home, schoolwork or sleep. so yea, i won’t wanna read that. sounds like a typical acad journal. oops?

i’m pretty busy at the moment, here’s what i have on my plate, apart from schoolwork.

1) joined the gym.
have been going for classes about twice a week or so. hopefully i get to swim more.. i just hate the fact i’ve to walk to school in the cold to swim, then run home in the cold to shower. also the water is probably mutated, because after my first swim, i felt itchy all over and had big blotches of mozzie-like bites on my whole body. not very funny when you’re walking home and resisting the urge to scratch like a monkey. worse when you’re naked and you look like you’ve a disease. )=

2) editing articles for a school’s website.
haven’t figured out how the process is like, we’ve just gotten the web up and running, but if you’re interested.. it’s www.melbourneriffraff.com.au i’m in-charge of the category ‘people’, so i edit articles, get the rest in the category to edit them too while i’ll have the last look, and other admin stuff.

3) cell group.
i’ve been more active in ocf, kinda happy i guess, being useful.. plus last night i got to play with their mixer. (= i miss doing the pa in church and for weddings. but with weddings come condescending couples so idk. i’m also going to attend some leadership thingy (ME, leh!) HAHAHAA. -crosses fingers-

4) band.
need to get started on the pieces, i can’t afford to lag behind )=

and that’s about it, other than me worrying about internships, modules to do during holidays, the lack of time and motivation to go out…..

ocf.

so i’ve not been going to ocf regularly, but i really enjoy my time with the people, slowly getting to know them, trying to talk more and be more sociable.. and when i see them worshipping God, i always wish i could love Him and serve Him the way they do.. the feeling’s really magical like something suddenly comes over you. although i’m always lazy to go for cell, when i do, i’m quite glad i did and i always wish i’d go more often. well there’s always next year.

and today when i was worshipping something hit me. ok something somewhat non-relevant, but i want my future partner to love God the same way the ofc-ers do. maybe even more.

let go

at some point in life we all gotta let go.
feelings of rage, hurt, anger, bitterness, annoyance.
and the list goes on..

then once we let go,
where exactly do we go from there?

nothing to cling onto,
we become lost, vulnerable,
from a 3rd party’s point of view,
we’d cringe when we see who we really are.

and I guess the time comes where we decide to let go,
and let God.
take over our lives, lead us in the right direction.

and we’d be amazed by the things we can actually do with Him helping us…

but still, the first step is to let go.

john 14

just thought I should share this. (=

John 14, NIV.

1″Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. 2In my Father’s house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. 3And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. 4You know the way to the place where I am going.”

Jesus the Way to the Father

5Thomas said to him, “Lord, we don’t know where you are going, so how can we know the way?”
6Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. 7If you really knew me, you would know my Father as well. From now on, you do know him and have seen him.”

8Philip said, “Lord, show us the Father and that will be enough for us.”

9Jesus answered: “Don’t you know me, Philip, even after I have been among you such a long time? Anyone who has seen me has seen the Father. How can you say, ‘Show us the Father’? 10Don’t you believe that I am in the Father, and that the Father is in me? The words I say to you are not just my own. Rather, it is the Father, living in me, who is doing his work. 11Believe me when I say that I am in the Father and the Father is in me; or at least believe on the evidence of the miracles themselves. 12I tell you the truth, anyone who has faith in me will do what I have been doing. He will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father. 13And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Son may bring glory to the Father. 14You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it.

Jesus Promises the Holy Spirit

15″If you love me, you will obey what I command. 16And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Counselor to be with you forever— 17the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be[c] in you. 18I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. 19Before long, the world will not see me anymore, but you will see me. Because I live, you also will live. 20On that day you will realize that I am in my Father, and you are in me, and I am in you. 21Whoever has my commands and obeys them, he is the one who loves me. He who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love him and show myself to him.”
22Then Judas (not Judas Iscariot) said, “But, Lord, why do you intend to show yourself to us and not to the world?”

23Jesus replied, “If anyone loves me, he will obey my teaching. My Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him. 24He who does not love me will not obey my teaching. These words you hear are not my own; they belong to the Father who sent me.

25″All this I have spoken while still with you. 26But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you. 27Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

28″You heard me say, ‘I am going away and I am coming back to you.’ If you loved me, you would be glad that I am going to the Father, for the Father is greater than I. 29I have told you now before it happens, so that when it does happen you will believe. 30I will not speak with you much longer, for the prince of this world is coming. He has no hold on me, 31but the world must learn that I love the Father and that I do exactly what my Father has commanded me.
“Come now; let us leave.

life as it is

so yesterday I was feeling really horrid. :/ dejected, rejected. it was quite a 180 degree turn from how happy I was the previous night/nights.

but I guess the most important thing is to stay grounded. we can all get caught up in the moment but it should stop there. whatever happened at that period of time shouldn’t be brought forward. like, you can think of how nice X situation was, but you shouldn’t go on hoping for more to come. because along with expectations, disappointments happen.

last night I slept with a heavy heart. all my insecurities were eating me throughout the evening/night, I simply had no mood to do any work of sorts. I was even moping online. thank God for g and cass, though.

and here’s what I was… feeling “Crappy” about.
1) school. never actually realised journals had to be used, and not like, normal websites. beating myself for that, really. how silly of me.

2) assignments. I’ve 3 due when break ends. and because I was feeling crappy I had no motivation. then I felt crappy for having no motivation. put on repeat.

3) church. as much as I wanna be closer to God, there’s just.. so many things… I’m not wanting to do. being committed for example. for cell group, for church, I still feel pressurised to go, to be like them. all.. holy and unjudgemental (though i really don’t believe people don’t judge.) and how when life “sucks”, people can still praise God.

4) commitments. I’ve not found a part time job here because.. I really don’t like the idea of committing to anything. I want to be free, I don’t want my day to be full of timetables. (brings it back to going to church and all… it’s a cycle)

5) boys.

6) self bashing. on how I’m too fat, too lazy, fat arms, tummy, fat legs, chubby face. what’s new?

and before I slept I was asking God why it’s so hard for me to be truly happy, to not have that emptiness, that void inside me.

Haven’t gotten the answer yet but this morning, instead of wakin up to the alarm clock, I decided to sleep in, laze in bed. Woke up, and felt tonnes better. there was the “well, whatever happens, happens. not gonna care too much about it.”

so there we have it. long.. emo/neutral post.