night, at the night market

there was a night market at unimelb last thursday, and i didn’t even know till j told me about it hahahaha. see, i don’t look at posters or words on the floor (chalking) or flags or people when i walk…. but anyway we headed down for a bit to grab some dinner.

we got some indonesian chicken satay, and it was quite good! no pics, i got lazy. :/ the only thing was that there was fat on the chicken.. le sigh.

man tou with beef rendang. i think this cost $8 aud? yea pretty steep, plus i don’t think the rendang had much taste, it was only slightly spicy. and the man tous had no taste too.. whoops

can’t remember which stall this was from, but it’s basically cous cous. with lemon.. seriously the lemon made it taste heaps better! otherwise it’d be slightly bland.. okay when i buy cous cous next time, i’m gna buy a buncha lemons!

random man/woman in a penguin suit, handing out flyers. not really efficient if you ask me since penguins only have flippers for hands..

beef bulgogi. (= not too bad! quite liked it haha.

got myself some iced tea, which came in a pathetic plastic cup. those transparent small ones you get at birthday parties? well yea it cost me $2 and i wanted to smack them so bad. could’ve drank it in a gulp, geez.

we stayed around for quite some time to watch the performances, some really disgusting attempt at making a joke about arts students.. and i got really annoyed because they compared arts to science.. well i’m sorry i’ve no interest in how gravity works, or the fact platinum is an element in the periodic table..

alright, gna wash my dishes now.

and i bid goodbye

i’m finally going to hand in two of my assignments. hooray. -deadpan face-

made a majorly shitty error on friday and saturday.
ass1 was due nov4, fri. i thought it was due nov7.
so i was intending to just hand it in on monday.

finished the assignment like on nov2 or so, just had to ut everything together… decided to take a break on fri, and finish it up on sat.
so yea i was so majorly annoyed with myself.

worst? it’s a module i can actually do well in, something i can do for a living next time. urg fml.

but.. okay i’ll just leave it to God luh. can’t do anything also. pray for favour. haha.

lecture humour

i’m not swamped with work yet but I’m too lazy to blog. ://

received 2 announcements from my uni email and i found it really cute of our lecturers, only because it isn’t the usual boring notifications..

fənɛtiks

Toughest subject i’ve had this semester, yet it’s the one i enjoy the most. once you know how the symbols and all sound like, you’re set for life.

i am now proud to be able to say that i can read all the world’s languages, as long as you provide me with the ipa symbols.

took super long to type this out. It isn’t perfect, but i’m getting the hang of it!!

θɹɪ mɔɹ dæs ɛnd ae am dan fɔɹ θə səmɛstə.
three more days and i am done for the semester.

ɡudbae ɪə tu, hɛlo ɪə θɹɪ.
goodbye year two, hello year three.

bʌt bɪfɔɹ θɛt, its tɑem tu paɹti!
but before that, it’s time to party!

good mornings

i need to get up earlier! mornings are too beautiful to waste sleeping in, as much as i love it.

here are the good things that have happened in the span of 5 hours.
- beautiful sunrise
- awesome korean instant noodles
- praying
- writing out to-do list. calms me down
- writing out more than 1/2 my essay. which is a lil shocking but maybe all i’ve written is crap. still, editing is easier than churning lines
- talking to feli on fb

that’s about it for now. but still, wow.

one more week till im free

I’m really busy with schoolwork, but just thought i should take some time (like 5 mins haha) to talk about how God has been working furiously in my life. and i believe that it’s him who’s driving it, not just mere coincidence and all…

here’s my timetable for the week:

(printscreen from desktop. unfortunately i’ve to replace my helicopter to this, till thurs)

i’m super packed, and i’m organising cell stuff this friday, which means i have to be there, and also, it meant that i’ve been organising stuff for it the past week.

never thought i could juggle commitments and studies (am glad in a way there’s no more band prac then?) so obviously God has been really good, pushing me on.

the past week has been hellish of sorts for me, sleeping and waking at the worst timings ever.

i can’t remember when but i started sleeping at 5am, then 7am and 8am.. and waking up from like 2pm and the latest: 5pm. really screwing myself over because if i’ve only got assignments it’s fine but i’ve other things to do outside too.. am really glad for the break j and i took on tuesday. even though it meant little sleep for me.

so on tues, i slept at 5am, woke up at 10am and walked to the city to try change my phone for a new one (but failed, btw). had lunch, waited while j got stuff, j waited while i got stuff. we bought some necessities, dumped them at home, went back to the city to shop, where we spent about an hour in a|x (where i found a new level of “being broke”). threading on thin ice, really, it’s not very practical of me to shop when i’ve no cash (sadly, i’ve reached an “all time broke” in my bank which never happened in my life. i kinda feel like a guy who suddenly can’t get it up.) then we got other things, shared a mega box of fries, shopped for groceries and went home. it was about 9ish by the time we reached home, and i napped for about 2 hrs..

(this is weds)
woke up at 1ish, stayed up to do work, went to bed at 6ish, but only managed to fall asleep at 7ish 8. woke up at 5pm, there was no more sun. got depressed and prayed that i’ll get my sleep pattern back. :/ really prayed.

and then i slept at about 1am, intending to wake up at 9 to do work but this morning (thurs) i jolted awake at 5.51am. tried convincing myself to go back to sleep for 3 more hours. whatsapped my sis, who was awake, so i decided to wake up for good and get some work done because i’ve stuff on later.

it’s 8.39am now, still feeling fairly awake, going on strong. am amazed how calm I am after God has given me strength to
1) turn my body clock back
2) stay calm and write my essays
and i mean, prayer really does work. i mean even though you don’t see the results like -snap-, but it calms me down and gives me a sense of direction and i know who i can fall back on…

i guess procrastinating never pays, but till the 9th, i’ll be a slave to my books. also, in a really personal/private way, i found out yesterday why God has kept me single. and i’m hoping it stays that way for a really long time. till maybe 2yrs before i get married (haha).

OKAY BACK TO MY BOOKS. this was kinda therapeutic..

school begins tomorrow

hokay so tomorrow i’m off for sem 2.. wonder what’ll happen, i should start preparing for it really quick, meaning to be prepared for class, read up, not fall asleep during lectures, actually go for lectures, make friends all over again…

we’ll deal with that tomorrow, i’ve abot 11 hrs left before it actually begins. wish me luck~

i went to church today -pops champagne-. okay i should be going, i know but the laziness just kicks in and honestly i was trying to come up w excuses as to why i shouldn’t have gone but i’m glad i did.. the jist was the 3 Ps.. Pain, Prune, Production. haha hooray i remembered! like pain can be good, because it reminds you that something has to be fixed.. and if you’re a good branch, God will prune you and make you an awesome branch (off Him, the tree). haha. and from there you’ll sow seeds of sorts, thus production.

caught mary poppins at her majesty’s theatre this evening and boy IT WAS FABULOUS. fabulous doesn’t even begin to describe how i feel about the stage, the props, the songs, cast, everything!

it’s little stuff like these i enjoy (= went alone, was a lil nervous, but i’m glad i went alone cos i was in my own world hohoho. the set was really extravagant, moving houses, gates, statues.. and i’ve never caught the movie/read the book before so i had no expectations. (=

cannot wait for hairspray the musical. (= didn’t watch the movie either, so i’m quite sure i’ll be surprised by everything.

it’s getting colder, time to pile on winter wear (=xx

sem 1 timetable.

so today marked the last day of school for me. wow, 1 sem has passed real quick.

of course, i’m still busy with school work.
1 essay
1 take home exam
2 exams.

this is my school timetable

i have free fridays, and my thursday class from 1-4pm isn’t weekly. out of the 12 weeks, we only had to go for 2 classes. so thursday and tuesday was pretty much a 1hr school day for me.

i’ve been really lucky, such a good timetable. yet i’ve been abusing my time here. skipping lectures simply because i don’t understand that the lecturer is talking about.

out of the 4 modules, i’ve only been skipping 2 frequently. the first being human animal interaction. the second being syntax. i have a love/hate r/s with syntax. i like how it sheds light on grammar and all, i hate how the lecturer bulldozes through. as for human animal interaction, i’d always be so sleepy on mondays i’ll skip the 1st 2 hrs (of course i’ll listen to the lectures online). so that’s about it. i’ve never skipped the other 2 modules, both tutes and lects. hmm.

well, it’s the last leg of the race, wish me luck. (=

another chapter is about to close

and I am quite upset. obviously this story doesn’t have a happy ending.

shallow but yes it’s because of a guy. see, when I first came to melbourne, he caught my eye on the first day of school. what luck it was, I mean, on the first day of school, really?

and by then I already made an imaginary plan that looked something like this.

week 1: know his name
week 4: get his number
week 12: have his bb. (of course i’m kidding)

don’t know what was so special about him, but that crush def stayed for the next few months.

and for the next few weeks we smiled at each other, talked a lil. he was one of the reasons why mondays were not that sucky. we’d sit tgt in lecture and tutorials and joke about random stuff.

and that was all there is. we hardly talked outside school, sometimes on facebook (about school work, no doubt), and a few texts.

but even as we didn’t do much (he did come over to my place once),I guess I let my feelings go out of control. something that shouldn’t be happening (now, what happened to being calm and staying classy?), but it did happen. and for a few days (which might probably add up to a week or so) I’d mull over the same old shit.

I was really feeling conscious of what race I was (i’m chinese, he’s german), every day I’d be asking myself “is it cos I’m asian?” and my self confidence took a huge dip.

In tutorials I began to speak less as i marveled at his awesomeness. Yes I was kinda blind and I felt he was really smart and witty.

our lives are really quite different. he’s the party kid, I stay home and sleep. also, he’s 2 years younger than me.

I’m nearly 20 now, it’s refreshing to see how I still react the same way for a crush as I did when i was maybe 15. I feel like the young school girl all over again.

Weeks after, decided to pull up my socks (tutor said I was contributing less. I was busy getting distracted, couldn’t understand lectures and all) and it did feel great. not to subconsciously give someone the power to be better or smarter than you.

so today was the last lect/tute for our module together. We paired up for some quiz in lecture, I don’t know what made it fun (our sarcastic comments?) but it was. And we kicked ass.

He’s going back to his uni in switzerland after this semester, graduate mid next year, and probably fly off to america to do his post-grad. I’ll never see him again, and that kinda bums me out. I mean even as friends. I knew this would happen from the start but still it kinda hits you. Like when I knew I was coming to melbourne, it still sucked when the days drew near. No closure, no nothing. well, maybe that last tute where we said “bye” was the closure.

x
And that closes my chapter for the “love life”. Yes I’ve been liking him for months on my end and I don’t think I’ve done anything about it.. so hello, pride. you’re a lil too big now you really gotta simmer down a lil. I just never did anything because I could see how things would turn out. He’ll still go home, I won’t see him. The end.

And I tried to promise myself to not have any regrets, but I think this might be one of them this year.

life as it is

so yesterday I was feeling really horrid. :/ dejected, rejected. it was quite a 180 degree turn from how happy I was the previous night/nights.

but I guess the most important thing is to stay grounded. we can all get caught up in the moment but it should stop there. whatever happened at that period of time shouldn’t be brought forward. like, you can think of how nice X situation was, but you shouldn’t go on hoping for more to come. because along with expectations, disappointments happen.

last night I slept with a heavy heart. all my insecurities were eating me throughout the evening/night, I simply had no mood to do any work of sorts. I was even moping online. thank God for g and cass, though.

and here’s what I was… feeling “Crappy” about.
1) school. never actually realised journals had to be used, and not like, normal websites. beating myself for that, really. how silly of me.

2) assignments. I’ve 3 due when break ends. and because I was feeling crappy I had no motivation. then I felt crappy for having no motivation. put on repeat.

3) church. as much as I wanna be closer to God, there’s just.. so many things… I’m not wanting to do. being committed for example. for cell group, for church, I still feel pressurised to go, to be like them. all.. holy and unjudgemental (though i really don’t believe people don’t judge.) and how when life “sucks”, people can still praise God.

4) commitments. I’ve not found a part time job here because.. I really don’t like the idea of committing to anything. I want to be free, I don’t want my day to be full of timetables. (brings it back to going to church and all… it’s a cycle)

5) boys.

6) self bashing. on how I’m too fat, too lazy, fat arms, tummy, fat legs, chubby face. what’s new?

and before I slept I was asking God why it’s so hard for me to be truly happy, to not have that emptiness, that void inside me.

Haven’t gotten the answer yet but this morning, instead of wakin up to the alarm clock, I decided to sleep in, laze in bed. Woke up, and felt tonnes better. there was the “well, whatever happens, happens. not gonna care too much about it.”

so there we have it. long.. emo/neutral post.