The best of abu dhabi

Sooooo, continuing from my previous post… I was in Abu Dhabi for a few days, and I did get to do some sight seeing!

I actually wrote about it here

Okie first up: my flight!
Bedroom slippers. YES please. Ahhhhh.

Dinner: steak fries

Anyway, I didn’t really get any sleep on the plane. which reallllly sucked. because i was flying at night, and was dead tired! worked the entire morning, finalised my packing, then went to the airport.. So I was rly hoping for a good rest but nope.

I got picked up and driven to the most luxe hotel in Abu Dhabi: Emirates palace. google it, it’ll blow you away. 1.3km long from end to end, has 3 camels (free rides!), suites are large enough for a family of 20…

Part of the hotel lobby.. Like. 1/100 of the hotel.

One of the many walkways to my room…

Here’s my room. Actually it’s a suite. Can’t insult it. The min I go through the doors, I pass a walkway (that has a separate bathroom) and I see this..
Dining room!

Just to give you an idea of the walkway:

To the right of the dining room, you have the living area / work desk (where I actually camped to get shit done)
Anddddddd further in… your bedroom! that also comes with a separate lounge

(behind the curtains on the left: doors to your super-large balcony. I got the side suite so I had an L-shaped balcony!) You have a dresser too… 

You’re probably like, where’s the bathroom? well… they’re to the left of the bed… BEHIND EVEN MORE DOORS…

To get to the bathroom you first pass two walk-in wardrobes… I used both btw. Left was for my clean clothes, right was to air dirty clothes…

THEN. you get to the humongous bathroom (larger than my room at home wtf).
Two toilet bowls to the left of the sunken tub, a shower and twin sinks to the right.

I didn’t use the turkish bath despite my hot tub obsession because I simply didn’t have time! Was working non stop + i didn’t want to wait for the water to fill etc etc.

The hotel gives you a heap of roses every day so.. i just had to take photos. i dont like flowers, I mean they’re nice to look at but man.. it goes to waste. and i don’t rly like the idea of killing the flowrs for no reason, it’s not like i could dry them and keep them!

Sent my then-boyfriend this pic saying “thank you for the flowers” and he replied “you messaged the wrong boyfriend i have no money to buy you flowers” lmao.
This is the view from my balcony.. (that is the west wing btw, I’m in the east wing…)

Obviously, world class hotel gotta have world class spa.. so i paid a visit… fuck man it was the most amazing session I’ve ever had. -cries- I dislike massages a whole lot (one hotel actually gave me a crazy ache, i couldn’t move, felt like SHIT after the massage) but DAMNIT I’D GET A MASSAGE FROM THIS PLACE EVERY.SINGLE.DAY. YES WOMAN YOU MAY TOUCH ME (appropriately).

I think what nailed it for me was this really thick comforter they placed on me, and kept me toasty warm.. of course there was diamond / gold flakes in my facial.. what even… I didn’t get the soak cos I was in a rush.. hur.

But I did get a lovely foot bath.. Was afraid of kicking my masseuse’s face T_T but that woman was a pro. I don’t remember being that ticklish… I’d marry her if I could. that’s really how good it was.

Also, I wanted a ride on the camels… so off I went!

Random interruption: one of my outfits for dinner. covered max wtshit lol.

breakfast at the hotel was amazing. dips and more dips. seven types of hummus (but they don’t call it that). and camel milk. and date milk. love date milk. camel.. well, it tastes like how camel smells. lactose free  (or so the waiters told me) so i drank some.

camel on the left, date on the right

Anyhoo, enough about the amazing hotel. I was kinda scared to sleep in it at night so I left some lights on.  The hotel is.. huge. It takes me about 10 minutes to get from the lobby to my room.. And staying alone in such a big room? eek. I can actually imagine re-doing it to be a home hehe. but that’s just how huge it is… money is certainly not an issue here.

Did quite a lot of exploring… Thank goodness for chauffers because I’d have died taking public transport. gotta cover up + 46deg weather + humidity… Totes not my friend man.. Also, your camera WILL fog up.. T_T that was horrible man.

Some of the pics I took from the car!

Building that was designed to look like a date tree.

#FastSeven. have breathed the same air as vin diesel. can die happily now.

My fav building! because it looks utterly 2D.

Apart from sky scrapers, there’s not much to see.. houses all look the same sandy grey.. mostly due to sand storms lol. Roads are crazily empty…

This building looks like the beoplay a1 wtf hahahaha. love it.

Highlight of my sight-seeing.. visiting the sheikh zayed mosque. This was my only must-visit, and i’m damn glad i went! sadly i didn’t visit it at night (as i wanted…)

It was the day I also nearly got a damn heatstroke ok. I wore a long sleeveless tank dress, and to cover my arms, a long sleeved shirt… But no.. my dress had a slit.. and so I had to wear the abaya.. Not that I minded, but walau if i was gonna wear the abaya, then i’d just wear a tank top + shorts you know??? or just even a bikini… I’m not used to layering clothes so this was really horrible I was perspiring like crazy and thought i’d die. + it was difficult to breathe.. i guess you can say the place of worship took my breath away wtf.

Macik Tai!

If you notice the yellow-white domes, it’s due to the sand storm.. cleaners clean it every day but ya.. no point la hor. I guess this is what it means by taking pride in your job. doing it with the same amount of dedication day after day..

Reflections pool.

Spot the man at the top using a long ass rope and mop to clean the domes! CRAZY AMOUNT OF WORK… 

I love this mosque man. tranquil, serene, can sit and lean on a pillar reading the quran all day yknow? the design is just. out of this world lah. gold and marble everywhere. every pillar also got unique design walau how to win sia liddis.

I quickly explored the outdoor spaces, including the grand prayer square… and scurried into the indoor prayer halls.. got air con -thank allah/God (same person la)-

There are seven grand chandeliers in  the halls, specially designed for the mosque.. I don’t really like the designs, but here’s a pic I took!

Looks not too bad from below hor!


Beneath the smile i was dying wtf.

Went to a date shop.

Man asked if I wanted a date, I said ok. He said 50AED. I said woohoo ok. Then he threw me a packet of individually-wrapped chocolate coated almond dates (the equivalent of a turducken. lmao). I walked away disappointed I thought he wanted to go out with me on a date.. oh well… chances of marrying a middle easterner gone liao.. gone with the wind… during a sand storm…

Remember Fast seven? HAD TO VISIT JUMEIRAH TOWERS. High tea was so-so, view was awesome. Mostly because I got to see the city from above! disclaimer: pics look blurry, cos of all the sand on the windows wtf.

Emirates palace from above. see the two longgg driveways? for VVVVIPs.  This whole green plot belongs to the hotel. what even..

And anotehr amazing hotel just beside (i use this term damn loosely) emirates palace

The high tea set. I’d love high tea a lot more if they had 10 savoury things and 1-2 sweet things… lol. don’t have a sweet tooth, but hey i enjoyed myself!

My hair game was strong that day man. despite the humidty and tying of hair..

I actually wore shades indoors at Jumeirah, because on the ground floor it’s floor to ceiling glass lah. super bright i was tearing and all. felt like a douchebag ahhaha

I also had this BRILLIANT idea of booking uber chopper  (it’s avail in dubai!), and was willing to shell out a few hundred just for the experience.. downloaded uber, and they’re like ‘sorry, uber chopper isn’t available in your region’. aiya sad. cannot live the life of a sheikh…

paid yas marina a visit cos, f1!

Yknow how all good things must come to an end… bobian i had to go back to my country.

But first up.. a pit stop at the etihad’s first class lounge..

Food glorious food!

I worked right until take-off, then washed my face / brushed my teeth / changed into a fresh set of jammies.. 

I declined both dinner and breakfast. just wanted to ko! I was always working to wee hours in the morning, then had a full day of activities (waking up at 7ish, and getting back to the hotel at 10pm)..

Have you ever sat so far in front of the plane you got to see the aerobridge move towards you?? NEITHER HAVE I. Naturally, like a retard… I started waving to the man wtf. he didn’t wave back aiya sian. )=

my visit to Etihad’s Innovation centre)

So uhh in August (2016 lol) , on Nat day to be specific, I the ever-loyal servant to my country, took off to the land of oil and dates (the fruit, not the men. or could be both..)

I guess what didn’t hurt was this:img_6118

Thank you Etihad! img_6123

Muh Seat. On First Suites, seat 2A. Which worked for me because it’s a front facing seat. 1A is a back facing seat..img_4717

img_4726I was fretting over this trip because I was going to the middle east and i didn’t have many long-sleeved clothes and what not. My long skirts were huge and poofy, and so I ended up having quite a big luggage. Also, on my way there, I thought i’d sleep cos.. night flight. and BED. but no.. despite wearing socks my toes were freezing… and even w my blanket and pajamas.. i couldn’t fall asleep! so i was kinda grumpy…

While there, I paid a visit to Etihad’s innovation centre!

Highlight: viewing the entire range of first class seats available! but hey first up economy class…img_4924

img_4861Ok la not bad everyone can lean their heads to the side and sleep… no more irritating passengers leaning (and possibly drooling) on you.

And then we quickly moved to the business class… img_4862

img_4863I guess there’s more space / privacy buy i’ve always wondered.. for business class and above, if you’re travelling w your partner than you guys kinda have a barrier between the both of you? how to hold hands! I guess rich people don’t do that wtf flying budget certainly gives us very little space.. so bo bian must stick together.

Anddddd first suites.. which was what i flew on! this is only available on short and medium haul flights. comes w your own sliding door for added privacy!
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img_4874This is the middle cabin. so you’ve them side by side. 

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For long-haul flights, you get first apartments, and THE RESIDENCE. Yeah you gotta say it in caps.. otherwise it doesn’t sound that impressive. These are on the A380. So Etihad has actually dedidated the whole 2nd level to first class passengers, and they’ve their own ‘den’, yknow, a classy lounge to chill. Unfortunately you can’t invite your peasant friend from economy class to chill with you… But hayyy, you and your rich friends have the entire place to yourself!img_4879

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if i remember correctly, there are only 8 First Apartments… First apartments comes with a separate chair and bed. for those who feel that’ it’s crazily trouble some to shift here and there…img_4883

Anddd it also comes with….img_4886Your very own dresser! Really can do the ‘woke up like this’ pic for IG.

img_4887Middle cabin seats. you can hold hands with your partner on this! Yeah i happen to think it’s really important. I hold hands w my partner when I sleep cos i can’t stand cuddling wtf. There’s no logical way how anyone can sleep while cuddling.

Long haul flights = showers. MMhmm… These are only for First Suite passengers of course.
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Truth be told I can’t stand airplane bathrooms, makes me feel like puking all the time due to the lack of space and fresh air. I can’t imagine having to shower while flying but I guess that’s peasant talk T_T. I imagine it being similar to showering on a boat/yacht.

Think that’s great? WAIT TILL YOU SEE THE RESIDENCE: a three-room suite to yourself. a bedroom, living room, and bathroom.img_4893

I’ve seen the bedroom on ads / images featuring nicole kidman, and honestly I scoffed thinking, huh how can this bed fit two humans? it’s IMPOSSIBLE. I thought Etihad was lying joking ok. first up, the pillows looked too square and short..img_4894

But wait a min…img_4898Shit it can really fit two. Sorry Etihad.

img_4901Or maybe it’ll just fit one… I sleep on a king-sized bed at home, and I can’t really get used to sharing a bed with someone because I’m a rough sleeper. I’ve slept with friends before (sharing queen/king bed) and here’s what I’ve done to them:

1) stuck my toes into A’s knee pits
2) slapped B’s face
3) slapped C’s chest

Erm all of them woke up. For A I didn’t realise it. B and C.. Yeah the impact of my hand on something hard woke me up. For B I didn’t even apologise LOL. I thought to myself:  quickly remove your hand.. VERY GENTLY.. maybe B won’t even realise it. HAHAHAH JOKE. kena confronted the next morning.. as for C.. I mumbled sorry and quickly retracted my hand.

That said those weren’t any friendship-ending scenarios so…

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I can’t decide where I’ll spend the most time! In the living or bedroom… hurhur… or even… the bathroom… (yea i’ve said it)img_4913

No shit man the bathroom’s so huge I won’t feel like puking. But depending on turbulence.. diff story lah. Also, it’s gorgrous! I LOVE the cut-out lights reflecting Eithad’s design! img_4914

Ahhh. Stepping into the innovation centre has given me more reason to work smart (and not just hard…) Maybe one day I’ll get to travel on business/first class for leisure. Till then, I’ve these memories for keepsake!

The worst day of my life

Super throwback to… SEPTEMBER 2016 because I’m a laggard )=.

So remember this?img_7533

I totes had to get my teeth removed. Unfortunately, the retard requires some extensive surgery.. So I settled for removing the runner-up (and its companion above).

Set a date.. went to the dentist on a Tuesday.

img_7534(Yes, removed my tongue stud, gotta make it easier for the dentist) BYEBYE LEFT TEETH!!

img_7535Took a few shots, gums/cheek was kinda numb…

I think it took about 10mins… Thank goodness I didn’t feel any pain… only some tugging, which was a lil weird..  Got to keep the teeth as a souvenir..  uhh. i basically just wanted to see how they’d look like.

img_7536Tadah? Bloody I know, plus there was a little bit of meat stuck to one of the teeth hahaah.

img_7546All cleaned up!


img_7538No pain no gain. in this instance, no pain cos i had painkillers… I went to the office to clear some stuff, and that’s where I started feeling a slight ache.. Handed in my MC and cabbed home!

img_7540Swell wasn’t that bad tbh! I showered,  and the ache got worse. Fml, painkillers were wearing off. Thought I could bear with it so I just tried to sleep… Then I started shivering as if I had a fever and I wanted to cry wtf. I actually started tearing uncontrollably. SUPER ACHEYYY. Decided not to be a hero wtf and popped some pills.. 15mins later, felt all better

img_7541I had a cell group meeting that night.. so I woke up and went.. 

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Met at park bench deli and the only think I could drink was tomato soup. WITH A STRAW OK.

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It’s kinda weird (ok omega) because I had gauze in my mouth, and then it’ll obviously soak up blood + soup urg urg cannot.

img_7545This was how pathetic I looked. Idk what I did, somehow opened my mouth too widely, then felt a tear and… I started bleeding again wtf. Sat at the table tearing while changing the gauze cos I’m disgusting like that. Nevertheless, I had a good time w them!

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Wednesday… Woke up, no need for painkillers hooray! Breakfast: Broccoli soup.. with… a straw. -makes lovey eyes at momsy-img_7562Breakfast: Broccoli soup.. with… a straw. -makes lovey eyes at momsy-

img_7565Lunch: porridge with seasoning… through a straw.. throughout the day I also had barley through a straw ahahah

img_7569Still rather swollen, but that’s ok!

img_7574Solution: Get a cold pack, wrap it in a towel, and tie it to your head with raffia string.

img_7579All better now!

See, so two days passed, and I was all set~~ Not so much of enjoying my MC because I was always hungry / peeing because I drank so much.

Thursday, that’s when shit hit the fan. Woke up, and was like. fuckkk period’s here. as if i’m not bleeding enough already…

Went to shower, and oh my god it was the worst fuckin “that escalated quickly” in my life. I usually have a window period of an hour before I need painkillers, but by the time I was done with my shower and brushing my teeth, I was retching over the sink and feeling giddy.

Wore my tampon + pad + underwear (yes trust me you need to know this). Lay down on the floor (oh thank you seemingly-cool tiles). Didn’t feel better. Went to lie on my bed, was messaging cass, and I told her to call my home and get me some help cos something was wrong.

I have seriously not felt this way before man. I started shaking, and then before I knew it my hands started their own act. They both started clamping up (see pic below from google!)

I don’t know how I managed to open my room door (towel wrapped around me) and then I really couldn’t take it. my legs were buckling. So there I lay, on the floor… And thank heaven’s at that time I think my grandpa came out of his room, my house phone rang, my helper came upstairs… and there I was just shaking like I had fits or something.

Helper called an ambulance and then grabbed my meds for me. I don’t know how she managed to find them, go her! She propped me up (dead weight) and then fed me the medicine. And she got me a top to wear. by top I mean a white drifit shirt fml. AND NO SHORTS BECAUSE SHE THOUGHT MY UNWEAR WAS SHORTS.. In her defense I was wearing boxers (sadly, boxer briefs, for men. from h&m. the beckham collection. i got it as a bday present. uhh). Paramedics came, I was still shaking, and then I got sent to the hosp (NUH) wearing nothing but my underwear + t shirt!

I guess I fell asleep / died from the pain and cold. I had no phone / wallet with me so honestly I could have been thrown into a long kang and nobody would have known! Also, no spectacles.. But I think my grandpa / helper went to the hosp. Idk, nobody came to see me. I guess they aren’t allowed into an observation ward. I drifted in and out of sleep. Was super dehydrated and they put me on drip. Finally, I felt well enough to go home… And I was like..

“Oh shit. I’m near-naked (no bra). I’m in my underwear. I have NO proper footwear (they gave me bedroom slippers lol). I’m gna have to borrow a phone and get someone to pick me up! Do you realise how bad it looks?? DRI FIT WHITE SHIRT (so semi see through right), underwear, semi-blind, bedroom slippers, no phone. no wallet, really nothing sia.

Left the ward, and I heard someone call ‘char’! Woohoo, in my semi-blind state I saw a lady in yellow waiting for me! MY MOTHER. SHE CAME TO MY RESCUE!!! I borrowed her cardigan (the yellow thing she was wearing), despite the fact that yellow is so not my colour haha. Paid up, and she called my dad to pick us up (bless his soul, since he’s sick). Mind you at this time I feel super normal, like the morning episode never happened ok.

Waited for my dad outside the hospital at the waiting area.. and I don’t know how long my dad took but I started feeling a bit giddy / nauseous. Told my mum I felt awful, she gave me a sweet (I do get low blood sugar now and then).. But i didn’t feel any better.. instead.. I turned pale, lost all my strength and slumped on my mum fml. WAY TO GO RIGHT. She pried my mouth open and popped the sweet out, and then I started shaking again.. I don’t know how she did it, but she managed to call for help, and they got a wheelchair…

AND WHEELED ME BACK INTO THE HOSPITAL. by this time i had no idea what was going on but I guess they transferred me back to the bed, and I was shaking and crying so hard. my hands and legs… epic. i cried for my painkillers and nobody tended to me! T_T Wah but this one I’m really pissed off ok.

THE NURSE TOLD ME TO STOP SHAKING AND CRYING OMG. I think she thought I was faking or something but seriously WHY ON GUANYINGMA’S GRAVE WOULD I DO THAT. I kept asking her for my meds, just panadol, my mum most probably had it but then she was all WHY ARE YOU CRYING omg. at that time i rly wanna punch her, somemore my fits already sorta balled up right? I couldn’t control my tears leh, can’t control hands and legs also.

Anyway. I think i fell asleep, exhausted from all the crying. Woke up god knows at what time, and then realised they wheeled me back to the exact same spot as morning…

Once again, I felt perfectly normal, as if those two episodes were just nightmares, unable to harm me. I got a bed at about 1030pm that night. The hosp called my family and my sis and mum came over!! woo hoo.. And then I had to text razi +wan and explain why I didn’t turn up for dinner… Hah. Raz and wan finished their dinner and came over to find me. -hugs my friends-

Anyway, I was CRAZILY hungry ok. been more than 24hrs since I had food. not counting my drip in the morning…

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Here’s a miserable me. they brought me clothes/jacket.. cos hospitals are super cold! ://

Anyway, back to my hungry point. I pressed the button..

me: hello can i have some food please
nurse: we dont have anymore food it’s nearly midnight..
me: Uhh not anywhere in the kitchen?
nurse: nope sorry

T_T

By this time my mum + sis went home, it was just wan and raz with me..
And the only thing open at that time? Mackers.  BO BIAN. Raz tried to call and order mcdelivery but waiting time was 1.5hrs. So…he took a bus home from NUH, got his car, drove to mcdonalds.. and came back with food.

-cries. seriously touched-

img_7599I got a nuggets meal + milo for energy. Woah, I can usually finish this in what, 10 mins, but because of my wisdom teeth removal, I couldn’t really open my mouth. I started eating at about 1am and finished at… 2am wtf. And i consider myself an expert in eating nuggets. 1 piece = 1 mouthful. But with my current state it was 1 piece = 10 mouthfuls. I took so long to finish that I only had 4 nuggets omg. waste food. so annoyed w myself!

Then my friends left sob sob and I was left to sleep for the night. I think I slept at about 2.30am after brushing my teeth and all… I was woken up throughout the night for blood pressure and all.

In the morning, the nurse came with food! And commented that I slept super late last night.. I had the ‘erm woman because u had no food for me and I had to wait for my friend to buy mcdonalds you know ‘ face. Really don’t know what to say… I guess ok nvm the nurse probably didn’t know I had no food… They probably think i’m a retard, get admitted to hosp, discharged, admitted again, gotta stay in, then order mackers… jialat max it does sound quite bad actually hahaha.
img_7600I had beehoon for breakfast! and apple juice and some fruit.. And my leftover milo peng hehe.

Slept after breakfast, and woke up for lunch..img_7603

Sweet and sour fish with porridge!

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I had to keep explaining to the docs / student docs re what happened to me. And I don’t know lah! But I didn’t get any explanation other than ‘it happens sometimes’ OK I ALSO KNOW. EVEN LORD VISHNU CAN TELL YOU THAT LEH..  BUT HAPPENED 2X IN A DAY HULLO WHY U OFFER AS MUCH HELP AS WHEN I HUG BUDDHA’S LEG??

Anyway! they said i could be discharged!  which was.. uhh unsettling. Plus when I told them I was worried it’ll happen after I get discharged they told me they can’t predict! which is true lah! But why you discharge me! And if you can’t pinpoint the problem…

And they contacted my mum.. hoorah… thank you for saving me again~~ and also my dad who waited in the car (this time it wasn’t a wasted trip). So I said bye to my room.. 
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No fond farewell. byebye hospital!

Man I really have so much respect for nurses! Their work, attitude, everything. It’s insane. the amount of patience they have (except the siao nurse who told me to stop shaking wtf).. the love they have for patients!! It’s a job that’s so freaking tiring, plus if patients throw a fuss, get angry etc, they gotta suck it up (and can’t even spit into their food hahha i kid) and still do their work. it’s such a thankless job… So I really appreciate them! It’s not easy having to put up with shit from patients while making sure they don’t die in the middle of the night.

After I got discharged, I had an appointment with a gynae, and now I’m on contraceptive pills. for 9 months. one pill a day for 3 weeks, and then period comes, then start the 2nd batch of pills on day 5 of my period.. wash rinse repeat for 9months. So far so good, I’ve been having lesser cramps, hopefully it’ll reset my entire period cycle shit. i’ve been having cramps since i got my period when i was 11, so can you imagine. every month since i’m 11 i’ve been eating painkillers, and the strength has only increased…

Anyway, i bumped into one of the nurses that looked after me! She looked so tired (but still pretty haha). and i went up to her and said hi. she said she rem me and even told me my bed number. Which could have been a sham because i don’t even knw which bed i was in.. LOL. She was getting a cup of coffee, guess she ended her night shift and was going home. so thank you nursesss. seriously. can’t thank people in the healthcare industry enough.

Ok the end. WORST WEEK EVER. AND I GOT THROUGH IT.

So apparently I now self-harm in my sleep

Two nights ago, I had this super warped dream.

There was a ntuc/sheng shiong plastic bag (can’t remember which, for the life of me). and it was filled with mealworms / grasshopper-like insects that were flatter, fatter and smaller in size. Instead of tying the bag and throwing it away, genius me decided I should transfer those pieces of shit into another plastic bag, THEN tie it up.

Took a pair of wooden chopsticks and grabbed them by the dozen. The mealworms started wriggling and dropping all over the floor fml. So I had to quickly ‘kiap’ them with my chopsticks.

Then the other grasshopper-like insects started jumping around. jumped out of the second plastic bag, onto the floor… AND ONTO MY FACE.

Started swatting them away, and flicking them off my forehead. was quite disgusted. Then one of it landed on the top left of my forehead, and so I smacked it super hard…

and then I woke up.

GENIUS ME ACTUALLY SLAPPED MYSELF AWAKE.

Now excuse me while I re-think my life.

 

I got baptised on Christmas Day!

Such excites! Took me 25 years to take the leap of faith (literally). This was the day after I cut my hair. Anyway, my whole family came to see it, plus, isaac bought me a white gold cross and pendant. Eek! Must have cost a bomb.

Anyway, video of baptism here:

​water was just a bit warm but wow the min I got out it was freezing cold! Also I was told that I’m probably the onl wine in history to have waved to the crowd lol but isn’t it weird if people just look at you and you don’t wave? They are looking AT you…

Pastor’s wife. One of the kindest ladies I know. Always has time to listen and offer a solution and her shoulder. Sometimes I wonder how my pastor and his wife do it. How can you have no temper? Or be so blameless. Of course they are only human and will definitely have their faults… but still! #Couplegoals

​receiving my certificate and a present haha! 
Oh, and here’s the testimony submitted. I wrote it as a speech of sorts as it was going to be pasted on the church bulletin board.

Knowing and Loving God

And not just on paper
I’m what you’ll call a third generation Christian. My grandfather, most of whom you know as Tai Senior is Christian, my parents are Christian, and so it was a no-brainer that I was born a Christian. I grew up in a sinking church (literally, and then it went through a facelift), and went for Sunday school, but never really listened to the sermons. 

While I knew who Jesus and God were, I never thought much about it. Jesus loved me so much that he died on the cross for my sins, and because of that I’m saved. I knew all about it. Did it affect my life? Not one bit. Did I bother understanding what it meant? What’s the point, I’m already saved. I’m a commitment phobe. I knew I’d get baptised one day, there was just no need to fix a date.

The thing about humans is we don’t treasure things that come for free. Think about the Birkin, the holy grail of bags. People pay five figures and wait for years to get one. When they finally get it, they polish it, keep it in a glass cabinet, and only use it during special occasions. There’s even a raincoat to protect the bag. Would you treasure a Birkin the same way if someone on the street gave it out for free? No. Because you don’t have to work hard and pay for it.

That was the same thing with my salvation. As a child, I knew who he was, but I never really appreciated it or understood the depths of it. Thankfully, salvation isn’t ours to earn, because our state of failure would be as epic as Greece needing a third bailout.

God has His way of bring us back to Him though. It happens differently for everyone. In my case, it took a non-Christian friend to change this. One night, said friend made a sobering comment, “I didn’t know you’re a Christian. I couldn’t tell!”

It was easy to see why. My actions were pretty much the opposite of what I claimed to believe in. God preached love; I told people in their faces that I didn’t like them. God said not to let unwholesome talk out of our mouths; every second sentence of mine had an expletive. (Clue: it’s the ‘f’ word, and it’s not ‘forgive’ or ‘forget’).

Something in me snapped. It’s probably the ‘middle child syndrome’, but I had to prove my friend wrong. I bought a bible, read a few chapters every night (and even made notes!), helped out in the prayer ministry, attended cell group bonding events (which I really disliked, because it involved interaction with people with whom I felt were too ‘godly’), and church.

Over the course of two years, I went from spending occasional Friday nights with a cell group, to four nights a week with like-minded Christians (who actually appreciated jokes and knew how to have fun). I cursed less, found myself sharing testimonies with non-Christian friends, and debated with both Muslims and Catholics about God. 

God also put two Christian friends in my life, and they were pretty much my pillars. I would rarely be seen without either flanking my sides. Daniel knew when to rebuke in love, Dezarae was always there to love and support me, because God really knew how few close female friends I had (or have).

The changes didn’t happen over night, but I saw and felt it. People always recommend altering thoughts, as they affect actions. But I went the other way round. I made physical changes (waking up for church, going on a leaders’ retreat) and they affected my thoughts. I still found my way back to God.

Baptism was a whole different ballgame. In 2015, my only friend in church, Sharleen, asked if I wanted to get baptised. It somehow struck a chord. It’s usually my dad or other church leaders asking, and I really disliked the pressure that came along with it. But since it came from her, I told her I’d think about it. We could get baptised together, it’ll be pretty cool. I waited for her to ask me again, but she didn’t. A few weeks, I found out that she had already started attending baptism class. Without me. Great. 

I really took the time to think about baptism. I concluded that it is pretty much like marriage. I never understood couples that lived together, had a dog, but never got married. One may have approached the topic of marriage a couple of times, with the other brushing it off with, “My signature on a silly piece of paper won’t change my feelings for you.” 

While I am a commitment phobe, I couldn’t wrap my head around the above scenario. They’re already living together. What was the other party waiting for? A meteor to land at their feet?

And then it struck me. That couple was Jesus and I. Jesus had always been there for me, and I knew He was never going to leave me. I felt secure, but it also meant that I took His presence for granted. What was holding me back was the fact I knew I would never be the ‘ideal Christian’ after getting baptised.

I was waiting till for a sign from God. Not a meteor, of course. For Him to tell me that it’s ok to fall short, because I’m human at the end of the day. Then I realised that Sharleen asking me was the sign, since God knew how adverse I was when it came to listening to voices of authority. I signed up for baptism class, and began to learn all about God and His love for me. I started reading The Daily Bread and praying every night. 

It’s true, baptism won’t change who I am. It’s an outward act, and while I always believe it’s what’s on the inside that counts, I owe it to God to show the world what He has done for me, and to tell them why I’m taking a step forward. It’s a proclamation that’ll keep me in check. Taking this physical step to get baptised not only shows obedience, but also reminds me that I’ve made a commitment to walking in His path. 

Throughout my 25 years of existence though, I know that God is, and will always be the same. He still preaches love; when I see someone I dislike, I try to think of their good points, and if I can’t, I tell God to help me love them even though they’re not lovable. As for the unwholesome talk, I’m still working on it. My ears now bleed when I hear teenagers spewing profanities. I’m either getting older, or walking closer with God. It could be both. 

It’ll probably be a long and arduous journey till the day I’m called to go home, but I know no fear because I know that Jesus is with me. There will be times where I’m lost and weak, especially when I face an existential mid-life crisis and question His presence, but I know that His love and strength will carry me through.

I became single because of a birthday card that arrived late

So much happened last year, or perhaps as adults it’s only natural?  You get tougher as do the battles. 

Wanted to talked about my failed relationship. Because reasons. I don’t know many people who either got dumped on Valentine’s Day or their birthdays, so essentially I’m the only one I know who has been through both.

Does it matter when the person did it? No, not really.

I’m still sad. Maybe cos I don’t know why it had to happen. Or maybe I do, and I’m in denial. 

We had our age gap and langauge barrier to deal with, neither of which was much to me, or rather, they didn’t affect me. Then came our growth, careers, goals. 

It’s funny cos we’ve never spoken about it. I always felt we could be the couple who would get through things as they come and align our goals, compromise.

But perhaps on his end, he didn’t see a future. And before the honeymoon period was over he threw in the towel. I saw a tiny potential crack, but was convinced it was something I could mend.

The crack: he accompanied me while I had 4 work meetings. Sat in on our convos. I felt bad for dragging him to this when it was meant to be our holiday. A while later, he brought up the fact that he felt stupid and couldn’t have conversations with others, how he was too old and was not good enough for me. Of course, I was heartbroken. I knew what he was referring to. I felt broken because I didn’t expect him to feel it.

It was something we had been through before so I told him that I was learning his language. I really thought things were going well. He asked when I would visit, showed me pics of his new apt, we planned our trips.

Then we fought. A friend once said that people don’t divorce because of a big issue, they divorce because someone didn’t do the dishes. And I agree. It’s not necessarily the main factor, but it sure is the catalyst.

It happened on my birthday. I asked him why he didn’t wish me, and he said he thought of calling me before work started in the morning. I got upset. And on hindsight, this was probably it. He had the day off, and didn’t make plans to visit me. That was fine. I wasn’t expecting him to spend money just for a day of us being together. Then I asked if I would be getting a birthday card and he kept quiet. Things went downhill, I started sobbing. Out of frustration because I’m not sure why he couldn’t understand the reason I was upset. My friends all sent me long ass well wishes, as did the ex boyfriend. But I got nothing from him. And all I wanted was a card. 

I went to work in the morning, still upset. He wished me via text, and apologised. I got angrier, telling him that sorry just wouldn’t cut it, and I was expecting action, not words. I went home in the afternoon, feeling like utter crap. That night he messaged and asked how my day was. 

I lost it. Typed a long message explaining why, wasn’t sure if it even occurred to him that as much as we are in different countries, my request for a birthday card wasn’t unreasonable.

He replied. Saying he didn’t think he could give me what I wanted, and I should be with another guy instead.

I called him, shaking.

“Are you breaking up with me?”

“Yes, I think so.”

“Why… are you doing this?”

“I’m sorry I don’t think I can do it anymore.”

The next hour was spent crying (me), trying to ask him why it had to be this way. Asked if he met someone else (he said no), or if I was being too demanding (no, too). Long story short, he agreed to work on the relationship with me. 

But there was always this nagging feeling. From that day onwards, when he didn’t read my messages I feared he was rethinking the relationship. When he did reply, I dared not open his message, because of that same fear. And when I told him about it, I got no assurance. I was jittery. I could barely eat. I would work myself until I fell so tired and slept. I cried every night. He would take hours to reply, he wouldn’t even call me. But when I did, he answered. We even planned our trips (Phuket, Phuket, singapore, Hong Kong) I wasn’t sure what was going on. It felt like I had already lost him.

I still remember the night it happened. In fact, the still replays in my head and haunts me till this day.

On my way home one night, I cried my eyes out. Barely any replies, he refused to answer his phone saying there was no wifi, and it occurred to me he no longer complimented me when I sent him photos.

I came home to find a bag on my door. He had passed my sister stuff when she went to Phuket. He went to her hotel. It was 2 tops. I burst into tears.

Exhaustion had gotten the better of me. Why would he buy me clothes to try make it up to me, but avoid my messages and calls? I fell asleep at about 10 that night. Woke up nearly 2 hours later. Still no message from him. Forced my eyes shut but started getting anxious. Checked my phone, he just sent a text. Called but he didn’t reply. Called a few times on both his numbers. Nothing. My insides started shaking. My whole body was soon shaking and I could barely hold my phone. If this is what it’s like to feel like you’re alone, that night was truly it.

It was the longest 30mins of my life. Messagedbhim trying to sound cheerful, telling him injist wanted a quick chat. I knew it was over.

He finally called me back. I was already tearing by then, mostly caused by the anxiousness.

“I received your present. Thank you.”

“Do you like it?”

“Yes, thank you. How have you been”?”

“No good, can’t sleep well for the whole week. And I think you know wh-”

“I just wanted to call you to tell you that you don’t have to be with me anymore. It’s ok.”

“I’m sorry. I really am.”

He didn’t want to be in a relationship. Not with me anyway. Maybe he didn’t like what he saw when we were together. Or maybe I did things that didn’t sit well with him. I don’t know. And I never will. And truth be told I don’t think I’ll understand any reason he gives. Because it’ll just sound like excuses.

That was a Thursday night if I remember correctly. Just slightly a week after he first broke up with me. 

I deleted line app, and my Facebook. I couldn’t deal with anything. I messaged my friends (it was past 1 that night), and miraculously, one was awake. Shenjust happened to need to use the bathroom and saw my text and called. I cried to her, she listened without judgement and prayed for me.

I had bought tickets to Phuket for the coming Tuesday, intending to fly over and surprise him. I never boarded the plane, though it scared me a lot to think that I could have possibly just taken my passport on the day itself and fly anyway. 

The thing that held me back was pride. I didn’t think I could handle the journey there, to be rejected a third time, and have to endure the flight back. 

The day after it ended, I went to work as per normal. I don’t know how I did it. Came home, saw a card on the table for me. It was from him.

A birthday card with balloons. He did send one after all. He sent it two days before my birthday. Until today, I still have no idea why he didn’t tell me about the card. Things would have turned out differently wouldn’t it? Or maybe I’m just trying to delay the inevitable.

We never fought. Maybe it was the distance but it was also probably how we knew we couldn’t take each other for granted. We had our differences but we would bother asking what the other party felt and why they felt that way. We would also agree to disagree. 

Could I have done anything to prevent this from happening? No, and I’m not sure if this is good or bad. It’s scary because as we got to know each other better I started seeing a future with him. And it’s scarier because I thought he did too. But I guess I was wrong, and so very blinded.

He messaged my sister saying he was worried about me. And that was the last I had heard from him. 

Weeks later my inctructor emailed me asking how I was.

“Are you asking because you don’t see me on Facebook?”

“No, I’m asking because he told me about it and I knew you would be sad. He didn’t say anything, except that “these things happen.”.

Those three words would soon become a trigger phrase for me. It would stir up emotions, like a diver stepping on sand underwater. For those few moments my vision is cloudy and I’m taken back to that awful night where I wake up and start shaking uncontrollably. I relive those few minutes like it’s a fresh wound and then, I remind myself that I need to move on.

It has been less than two months. I still think about him. I miss him. And as much as I hate to admit it, I still wish he wants me back. I sometimes let my mind wander and play out the what-if scenarios. 

One night, I was walking home and was just about to reach my gate when I saw a balloon floating into the night sky. Froze in my tracks for a bit, only to realise it was my neighbour’s children.

I do know that this is for the better given our circumstances. But I just never saw it ending so quickly. If anything, if it had to end, I always envisioned it being after we have exhausted our options and had no choice but to accept defeat. I foolishly thought that I would be the one having to give up on us. Oh how the tables have turned.

Sometimes I imagine going to his house and seeing him with a new Thai girl. It absolutely crushes me. Sometimes I want to see if he has uploaded anything onto Facebook, but I no longer have an account (thankfully) and I don’t want to overthink each post of his. Or worse, wonder if he has blocked me from seeing the posts. Those fears are as irrational as they are real. Sometimes I imagine writing him an email, just to say that I was thinking about him. But I don’t. Because it isn’t healthy especially if I am not ready for the answers. Because the last thing I would like to know is that he has moved on. Without me.

As cass said, I need to stop breathing life into my memories of him. Which is ironic because this itself is inflating a piece of history. But I need to get it off my chest. I need closure , and while I’m not sure if this is it, it can’t possibly hurt more. 

I know he really did like me while it lasted. I never once doubted his sincerity and effort, and even though two people have told me that he probably cheated on me, I would like to think he deserves more credit than that. You think you know someone, until they decide that they no longer want you in their lives one fine morning.

Is this what they call a may – December relationship? It seems quite fitting, literally, I suppose.

This is it then I guess. What could have been my favourite narrative of the year turned out to be a nightmare I wouldn’t wish unto anyone else.

I’ll get better. I want to. (Except on some days where I don’t, and would very much rather replay painful and heart wrenching memories) But I know I’ll be fine at the end of the day.

As he said, and as I try my hardest to convince myself and believe; it is for my own good.

The heart just needs to catch up with the brain.

Fishing at Chia Soon Kelong

This christmas, I spent it… fishing!! Went to a kelong hurrr.

Information  here.

When our usual kelong (which you can read here and here) closed down, mostly because it collapsed, we had to find a new one.. Found one called Chia Soon. It’s in Msia waters, but instead of us driving to Malaysia, we just take a boat from Sg.

Steps:
1) Make a booking with the kelong
2) Go to Changi Ferry Terminal (beside changi village hawker centre)
3) Go downstairs (there are 2 paths, to Pengarang and Pulau Ubin). Go to the Pengarang queue
4) Boatman will pick you up. 30-60min boat ride to Msia where you gotta get off and stamp your passport (you can leave your bags / barang barang in the boat)
5) Get back on the boat and take a 15-30min ride to the kelong
TIP: ASK FOR THE FASTBOAT. It has aircon, and is more comfortable. Our trip to the kelong took less than an hour. The trip back was 2x as long, it was super stuffy, and we felt ill from breathing in the petrol fumes.

Okay now that I’m done w it.. here are the highlights of our trip! Our boat was scheduled to leave at 12pm, but you can always arrive early and leave early!

img_0679Waiting for the rest to arrive. Ignore the ladies behind.

img_0682in the fastboat!

One hour later~ we’ve arrived! Was quite stunned, I guess I’ve forgotten how kelongs are like, very backwards. Sat in our ‘room’ and sulked until Cass told me to snap out of it hur.

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This is how the rooms are like: (photo from google)
Basically, open concept. They’ve bedsheets for curtains. You have 5 mattresses (about 2inch thick. super thin tilam!) Pillows provided.. no blankets though.

No electricity from 8am-8pm. May be a lil hot, so bring your fans haha (as in, those you use to fan satay). I don’t recall seeing power plugs… Not that you need it anyway. No reception! This kelong is quite small, very cramped! Beds not that comfy too. Cleanliness of beds is left w a big question mark. But no cockroaches/ants…!

Just gotta suck it up, tell yourself that you’re only there for 1 or 2 nights. You’ll get used to it when all your friends cheer you up. Plus, can shower together, bathroom convos! We brushed our teeth together too, that was kinda cute.

Fishing time…!

img_0686More varieties of fish here, but we caught way less. Between the 10 of us we probably caught less than 40… In the other kelongs we’d probably catch 40 each…

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Not much space for fishing too, and way too many stilts, so when the current comes in, your weights/lines may get stuck. Sian max.img_0693From here you can see tecks in every photo.. uhh.

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Kelong uncle: You look familiar, have you been here before
Tecks: (whose name is teck hwa, or de2 hua2 in chinese) nope.. my first time
Kelong uncle: oh but your face is very familiar
Tecks: some people say I look like liu2 de2 hua2 (andy lau) so maybe that’s why?

Yahhh tecks I bet you so look like andy lau. fyi this is how andy lau looks like:

Wtf tell me look alike anot. #lifegoals

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It rained quite a bit throughout, but no matter! Just go indoors and play card games lor. Which we did. we brought our own games, mostly because we didn’t expect to catch fish. we just went for fun and lols. getting any fish was a bonus.

This kelong doesn’t have a snack shop too… so bring your own. big mistake of mine. but then again it helped me to stop snacking… only cos there weren’t any snacks -sniff- Also, no lunch on day 1! Only dinner and supper!

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Overcast liao! I don’t remember doing much, got bored and took a nap hahahah. Woke up for dinner…
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img_0731Dad tying the hooks in our ‘home’ haha. I use that word loosely. Right in front of our ‘room’ are three wooden beams, and then the dining room. Basically people can see you sleeping but srsly nobody rly cares. That’s what I like. can do whatever you want. I left my phone in my bag (only took it out for photos) and didn’t have to worry about anyone stealing my stuff)

img_0732Five mattresses stacked on top of one another, still thinner than my mattress at home haha! The ‘flooring’ is very old school! those people paste in their homes to pretend it’s wooden.. actually it’s just some ‘wrap’ I slept on the floor in the aftn cos it’s cooler..

img_0734From here you can see our living conditions..

img_0733 Tecks bought 48 cans of drinks! insane lah. 10 people. Each must drink about 4-5 cans. The uncles gave us some ice.. so we had chilled cans~

img_0736Rain liao! but before seeking shelter… cast your lines!

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Dinner time! dad was sleeping ahha. At first i thought we only had noodles.. was a bit sad.. but oh man, the dishes just kept coming!!! fried prawns (2 plates), super yummy. crispiest prawns ever, but still fresh and juicy. 1 whole fish, 1 plate of gong gong, 1 steam boat with vegs, mixed balls and fish, crabs… SHIOKKKK.img_0742

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Honestly i’ll go back to the kelong just to hang out w my friends + enjoy the food! it’s a great getaway, forces you to bond w your friends cos you’ve no phones. heh. Oh, toilet is clean too. it’s basically a hole in the floor lah. so not good for elderly people, or those who can’t squat… it doesn’t smell bad too. smells of mothballs. i remember the other kelong smelt a little (just a little) but it was enough to make me sian when i had to pee.

img_0749Mum’s special fish!

img_0751Looks so happy! We threw all our fish back, had no intention of bringing them back to sg. This kelong doesn’t provide ice also, so there’s no way you can bring your fish back…

img_0789Caught my first fish!!

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Caught 4 fish. Really not the best catch of the day, but I had pretty cool fish! 2 catfish, and two unidentified fishes with a big mole on its back haha.

Oh, supper was superb too. We had stingray, which was out of this world…. sausages, and chicken wings! I bbq-ed all the chicken wings haha. The only thing missing.. tong3 shui2! But it’s ok.. we had canned drinks…

Everyone slept pretty early! After supper actually. Brush teeth and wash face (er I didn’t shower lol) and wiped down with wet wipes!! By midnight it was just qi, tecks and I left fishing. Then we cast our lines and sat and chilled and listened to old songs.. Then I gave up. no more fish! So went to sleep at 2+am. You may wanna bring sleeping masks.. cos the lights are left on! It gets windy at night, so use your towel to cover urself haha.

Next morning, woke up at about 730am naturally. mostly because people kept walking around. And when people walk around, you can feel it! cos the planks are all connected.

The kelong does some fish farming too I guess. And they have stray dogs, of which I had my favourite hehe. Didn’t get near them, there’s a barrier between the kelong and the farm.
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loooook so cutee!!! very beautiful. short coat. and its ears!!! folded ears!

We’re looking at another kelong, hopefully we can go for another one weekend! If it’s not too far / inaccessible.