A Wedding, and then CNY… in 2017

Slowly catching up guys, wish me luck. So this marks an important post because my cousin Lem got married. And it’s also the last we had a pic with dad when he was ‘healthy’.

The wedding was held at Mandarin Oriental, there was gonna be the tea ceremony, solemnisation followed by a buffet dinner at Dolce Vita. Dad was tired so he only attended the dinner.

Those damn heels still hurt. Can’t seem to break them in sigh. Also, I had only just cut my hair then! My hair’s fairly long now, touching le boob. haha.

Bride and groom during the tea ceremony. Went by quite quickly, I realised cousins don’t have to serve tea! Just immediate members and aunts. And yes, they served tea to the groom’s parents too.

A’s family. That little blackhole between A and his SIL is a child. more specifically, a child who cried a lot.

Not important, I just wanted to draw attention to my back. HAH. Tbh I can def do with a bit more muscles for some shape…

Oh, for the one person who cares about my dress (that’s you, groom’s mother), it ain’t a dress. I tied two scarves together to form a toga. Because… I had no clothes wtf yea that’s the truth. + i recently acquired a gorgeous panther scarf in addition to the blue one… The sick bit, they’re both silk, can only dry clean. SIAN LAH. I had to ensure I didn’t perspire or drop food..


Then came CNY. Yknow, dad was just supposed to go to the hospital on the second day of cny for a routine check + regular hospital visit (insurance claims forms etc). Whoever knew that did him in. Gah.

Anw, we visited without dad. I was really sad but didn’t say it of course. Nobody wants to be the one to point out that it may be his last CNY, right? But anyhoo, here’s the fam.

I uh, recycled my clothes. skirt’s from eons ago. Top is the back part of my toga dress, aka the panther scarf. Tied it to a twilly and ta-dah. Shit you do when you can’t be bothered to shop!

Fiji, in pictures

So this place has been dead for months now. And I feel kinda bad… but at the same time, so much has been going on. 2017 passed, I travelled quite a bit, but shall leave that for another day.

Anyhoo, back to Fiji. Planned it a while back with a -deep gasp- ex partner. Feels weird saying it considering I now have another ex partner… Uhhh. The plan was to dive. dive and dive. To be honest, diving there isn’t great, I was crazily disappointed. Perhaps we went to the wrong island. But travelling in Fiji is mad expensive, a 2hr boat ride costs about 250-300sgd. Will I go back? Nah, unless it’s for work.

Flew with Fiji Airways, nothing fancy, its economy class can’t beat SQ’s. And the flight times really suck, you fly there early in the morn, and get there at night. Erh. T_T

Anyway, we get to Fiji, it’s past 11, we get our luggages and hop to a resort on the main island for the night. It’s not the best hotel, it’s noisy, it has a zinc roof, staff aren’t friendly… erm basically Fiji’s only fun if you’re filthy rich.

Next day, we set off, get on a boat, and head to Octopus resort for the next five nights or so.. Resort’s pretty cool, we stay in a bure (local hut). can i say how i hate it when hotels state that the room is ‘fan cooled’ or ocean-cool breeze etc HAHAHAH. it’s so bloody pretentious.


Our bure 3. behind it is well, a hill/mountain of sorts. room’s pretty neat. a king and a single bed, an open air bathroom… nothing to shout about. resort’s lovely though.



Back to diving. It ain’t great, and I def would love to see what diving’s really like over here, so.. pls let me get rich, somehow. wtf.


There’s not much to see during the dives, in fact I got a lil bored, and the most fun I had was on the night dive, simply because I saw new critters! Also, period woes, I nearly died during one of the dives…


Meals at the resort were great, there was bbq night, we had buffet breakfasts every day, lunch specials were superb. I even ordered a fish dish (see above, craving for it now) and enjoyed every morsel. It’s a Fijian coconut fish dish with egg plant if I’m not wrong.

On the Sunday we were there, we also went for a hike to a nearby church/village. It seemed a bit too theatrical for me, thankfully we skipped the village tour (apparently the villagers sing and dance for you when you’re there). View’s great though!



All too soon enough we had to leave, hur. Cant say I was sad to leave. Had enough of bleurgh diving, and was ready for some shark diving. So off to the main island we went, and we got picked up by our car. I was going to review a Fijian property so we had accommodation covered (sort of).


Bye Octopus resort! Thanks for over-selling your beachy life! I did enjoy my trip there, don’t get me wrong. It was just the wrong place to go diving.


We made a stop for lunch at Tata’s. Fijian food is fairly expensive, think a dish costs about 8-10 bucks… that said, they have the best lentil soup ever. Spicy, smooth, slightly grainy from the beans… Singapore’s lentil soup pales in comparison. Or maybe I haven’t have had the right one yet. IMG_8608

Checked in late afternoon, hello Pearl resort! No complaints here, no insects, but yea we did lose the island vibe. Open concept bathroom, with two single beds placed side by side, and a lovely balcony. It was really humid though, maybe cos we’re in a mangrove swamp, so we didn’t open the balcony for any fresh air. Also, the hotel charges for water. what the shit, surely we’ve progressed to a point where we don’t have to pay for water right?? Also, service SUCKED. they’d remove our bath towels and not give us new ones… to make up for it, they’d just place extra hand towels by the sink. Yea ok great job guys! And replacement towels took foreverrrrr to arrive.


We signed up for shark diving. Was it great? Hmm, can’t say. I mean, we did see the sharks. But having it in a controlled environment really took the thrill and fear away, it was much like… watching a movie or something. So I was disappointed in that aspect…


Shark selfie yay. because watching the sharks got a lil boring.



We say grey sharks, bull sharks, black tips.. not too bad, but hey they were there for the food!

Also, back to the work element. We had a lovely spa sesh, and a trip to Nanuku island.




When I had long/flat hair. But look at the glow on my skin hur.

Anyhoo, currents are strong in Fiji. It’s similar to Maldives. open sea and what not. Not the best for amateur swimmers, but you’d get some good surf spots I guess?


Life at Nanuku Auberge. Crazily strong winds, had to wrap myself in a blanket to stay warm. Lovely resort, can’t wait to see when all the villas are up! It’ll definitely bring lots of tourists/investors to the place.

So that’s pretty much it I guess. It’s sorta difficult to write when I took the trip over a year ago, and then I had nothing but sad memories because I got dumped like 2 weeks aft the trip, and on my birthday too. Then I had to write my Fiji story for work, and I heard the ex’s voice on my recording, really lost it ahhahaah.

Dad’s gone, and there’s nothing I can do to rid myself of the guilt

So I haven’t updated in six months. Where did I go, what did I do, where has life gone?

Four days after my last post, my dad passed away. From  lung cancer on 20 April, at about 1.15pm. It’s been six months, but I’m still tearing as I type this.

It’s hard to believe that a man who’ve I seen every day for the past 26 years is gone. I was still expecting him to walk me down the aisle, talk to me about my jobs / changing jobs / moving houses etc etc. Yknow, like what adults do. The truth is,  it was only in recent years that we actually got to learn more about each other. Due to our age gap, and the part where my family’s not affectionate (and I dislike people touching me)…

My thoughts are everywhere. I can’t seem to string a coherent story together. Do I miss him? Yes, of course, and small things still can trigger a flood of tears. But I can’t say I miss his ‘fatherly presence’, simply because towards the final two months of his life, he wasn’t a typical dad to me. No fatherly duties, conversations… our roles had reversed. I became a caregiver, worked at night instead of the day. In that sense, I didn’t have a typical father figure, so I can’t say I miss that.


Because I was awake for about 20 hours each day, I ended up tending to many needs. Giving him water, cleaning his teeth and face, fanning him, making sure the oxygen tube didn’t disconnect, and even injecting him ~10 times day when things got bad. Did it hurt? Yes. What hurts more is when I remember his most painful moments.

When he asked me for help because he couldn’t breathe. I ran to the kitchen to get the injections, and slowly injected him. “Char, help me, I can’t breathe”. I burst into tears in the kitchen shortly after giving him the injection, knowing that there was nothing that I could do.

On Monday, he told my mother he was afraid. She stood by him, praying. Instead of holding his hand, I hid behind my computer, like a coward. My dad would have never done that. He would have held and prayed with me. Can I ever forgive myself for being such a shitty daughter?

On Tuesday, there was so much mucus/secretion, he was croaking as he was breathing. Breathing was strenuous. I went to sleep at about 7am, but was awoken at 7.30am because dad couldn’t really breathe, and I had to inject him again. At 8am, my mum went to shower, and I took the chance to say goodbye. Asking if he was ready. (Not really, he said). He said it with so much clarity. I asked why, and he just smiled. He couldn’t string long sentences then. He was just too weak. I was telling him that even though we never said ‘I love you’ to each other, I hope he knew that I did. I told him about how much I appreciated him giving me everything in every sense of the word, sending me to school even if it was a 5-min walk, turning on my heater and fan every night. I miss the latter so much till this day. For weeks after he passed, I always went to my room, anticipating that my heater and fan would be turned on. But of course they were never. Things like that, my dad did out of nothing but love for me, hoping I’d have a nice warm shower after work, and a room that had been cooled. He’d nag at me to use the air con, but I wanted to save money and would use the fan. I’ve never reciprocated my gratefulness, perhaps I didn’t know how.

Did our talk make me feel better? I don’t know. Maybe it’s just how I console myself. Does it work? No. Having that one talk will never make up for my lack of action as a daughter. Me looking after him 24/7 during his final days will never amount to anything close.

On another day, he said, “I think we should keep a dog”. I asked him what he wanted, hoping he’d tell me, just so that I could pick a dog up from the pound and keep him happy, even after he passed. He never told me. I never looked for a dog. His response was, “char, I think I’m doing crazy”. Perhaps he realised his thoughts were all over the place?

On yet another day, my sister brought him one of her toys, and she asked if it was cute. He held it, and said ‘for you’, and passed it to my mum. We all broke down. During one’s final moments, you really cherish shit like this. How he loved my mum but couldn’t tell her.

He passed away on Thursday. To say that we were absolutely wrecked would be an understatement. We all took turns staying up, friends and family brought food for us. We didn’t want to send him to a hospice, we wanted to look after him ourselves. Our bodies were so battered, we could barely sleep due to anxiety, stress, fear of the inevitable.

Let’s face it. You will never know how to say goodbye to anyone. Nobody can teach you how to do that, and there’ll never be enough time to appreciate the person. How did I face it? I don’t know, but I don’t have much of a choice, do I?

Is there guilt? Every. Single. Day. How I didn’t tell him that I love him enough (I said it just once when I was saying goodbye to him).

I don’t know what has happened, as my dad has never been a looker. We have his photo on our piano, and sometimes I catch myself looking at his photo, thinking that he looked handsome in it.

I usually distract myself to fall asleep, I work until I’m exhausted, I do everything I can to sleep. On nights where I lay in bed, thoughts creep in and I’m a wreck. I hate feeling this way, but at the same time, it feels good, knowing that my guilt also means I won’t forget the sadness when I think about my dad. Sounds morbid, but it’s my way of coping.

I always thought of my mum as someone frail, she cried when a mole came into our house. But I’ve seen so much of her strength through my dad’s illness. Her unwavering love for him, her faith in God, everything, You knew she loved him because she’d read the bible to him, talk to and pray for him, change his soiled diapers, clean him from head to toe, and make sure he was comfortable. You wouldn’t do that if you didn’t love someone. You’d just do the bare minimal. I want a love like how my mum loved my dad when he was dying.

For weeks after he passed, I’d try to recall his voice, except that I’d hear nothing but his final few sentences to me, asking me to help me as he couldn’t breathe, or that he was going crazy. I coudln’t block those sounds out, it was like someone was screaming them into my head, and I needed a third party to shake grab me out of it physically. To distract myself from the voices. They’d hurt my head, I wouldn’t be able to cry as my nose was blocked. But at the same time, I was comforted by the voice, because it meant I didn’t forget him. It was painful to even think about it.

On some mornings, I’d cry on the way to work, sob in the office… it still happens from time to time. Perhaps one day, I’ll think of happy memories, but for now, it’s mostly stuff that haunts me. I can’t bear to look at my Facebook photos beyond a certain timeline, nor my iphone photos. I took snapshots of my sister reading to him, of grandpa holding his hand… I can’t bear to relieve it.

Dad stopped looking and functioning like a dad in February. Until this day, I wonder if him going for radiotheraphy was the right thing to do. He deteriorated so quickly, it scared the fuck outta me. Like most cancer patients, he was reduced to a shell of a human being, a skeleton of a living creature. Of course, as I saw him every day, the change was so gradual I didn’t really notice.

But I know my brother was the one who was shocked. he was bust studying, we were busy looking after dad, we did’nt really communicate w pictures. And on the morning he came home, I know he was in shock. To see my dad lying on a hospital bed in the living room, hooked up to an oxygen machine. He said hi to dad, went to shower, and probably cried his eyes out. I don’t blame him, it was too much for anyone to take.

Isaac was home for two weeks, and I’m glad he got to say goodbye. I’m glad my dad held on. He passed away on a Friday, and we had the funeral on Sunday. Isaac flew off on Monday. It all happened in God’s perfect timing. My brother stayed up to look after dad while studying. I don’t know how we did it. Mum and grandpa would look after him in the day, I’d sleep from about 9am-12pm, and work at night and keep an eye on dad. Grandpa was worried sick he couldn’t sleep much either. He’d wake up at 4am, come downstairs and just hold my dad’s hand. Sometimes, he’d cry. But that was all of us. Looking at your loved one lying motionless, hoping he’d pass soon just so he wouldn’t be in pain, feeling guilty that you wanted him to die… I’m nauseated just thinking about it.

The week before he passed, I cried whenever I had a free pocket of space in my head. I couldn’t understand how I was so cruel. Never have I once wished death on someone so much, and actually meant it.

There’s so much to talk about. The funeral (my brother chose the coffin and everything), the love from family and friends, the eulogy.. I don’t know if I still have it, but I’ll post it up soon maybe..

You know what sucks? That the world carries on. That time doesn’t pause for anyone. While I was (still am) grieving, others went about their daily lives, laughing as they do. Yes, I did feel it was unfair, that nobody talked about my dad after the funeral, or that people didn’t openly ask me about how I was coping. Maybe I needed to grieve to others, I don’t know. Maybe others don’t know what to say/do, and are afraid of making me cry. It’s a selfish thought, to want others to miss your dad as much as you do. He was far from a saint, obviously. But perhaps that’s life, and I know that people love my family and me dearly, still, even if they don’t say a thing.

I dream about my dad a lot. One time, I dreamt he was in his pre-cancer body, wearing his bull shirt tt had yellow red and green bulls on it. I asked if he was ‘okay’ and he smiled. I knew that smile meant that he was no longer in pain, and happier. Sometimes, I dream of him being ill, other times, I dream that he’s no longer there, as if my dreams mirror life.

On some nights, I ask God why my dad had a convo w my brother,but not with me. I was napping that morning, at about 4am, when I woke up and heard my dad telling my brother, ‘you coming home.. it’s the only thing i could ask for’.. but for me, all he did was nod when i asked if he knew that i loved him.. perhaps I had ‘the talk’ way too late. Perhaps my dad didn’t have enough time with my brother. I don’t know. I still ask God to send my dad to me in my dreams, to tell me how he is, or say things he should have. I can’t, and don’t want to move on from that.

On one hand, I want the crying and hurting to stop. On the other hand, I thrive in the pool of sadness. Maybe the guilt keeps the memories alive.

Do I miss him? His presence, yes, his acts of love, for sure. It doesn’t feel the same without him. On dad’s birthday (24 july), we ordered food and ate together as a family. Everyone on the table had the same thoughts, we missed him, and we probably had a good cry that night.

Perhaps in time to come, I’ll stop feeling all the negative emotions. But in the mean time, I’ll relish every moment, because it ties me back to my dad.

The best of abu dhabi

Sooooo, continuing from my previous post… I was in Abu Dhabi for a few days, and I did get to do some sight seeing!

I actually wrote about it here

Okie first up: my flight!
Bedroom slippers. YES please. Ahhhhh.

Dinner: steak fries

Anyway, I didn’t really get any sleep on the plane. which reallllly sucked. because i was flying at night, and was dead tired! worked the entire morning, finalised my packing, then went to the airport.. So I was rly hoping for a good rest but nope.

I got picked up and driven to the most luxe hotel in Abu Dhabi: Emirates palace. google it, it’ll blow you away. 1.3km long from end to end, has 3 camels (free rides!), suites are large enough for a family of 20…

Part of the hotel lobby.. Like. 1/100 of the hotel.

One of the many walkways to my room…

Here’s my room. Actually it’s a suite. Can’t insult it. The min I go through the doors, I pass a walkway (that has a separate bathroom) and I see this..
Dining room!

Just to give you an idea of the walkway:

To the right of the dining room, you have the living area / work desk (where I actually camped to get shit done)
Anddddddd further in… your bedroom! that also comes with a separate lounge

(behind the curtains on the left: doors to your super-large balcony. I got the side suite so I had an L-shaped balcony!) You have a dresser too… 

You’re probably like, where’s the bathroom? well… they’re to the left of the bed… BEHIND EVEN MORE DOORS…

To get to the bathroom you first pass two walk-in wardrobes… I used both btw. Left was for my clean clothes, right was to air dirty clothes…

THEN. you get to the humongous bathroom (larger than my room at home wtf).
Two toilet bowls to the left of the sunken tub, a shower and twin sinks to the right.

I didn’t use the turkish bath despite my hot tub obsession because I simply didn’t have time! Was working non stop + i didn’t want to wait for the water to fill etc etc.

The hotel gives you a heap of roses every day so.. i just had to take photos. i dont like flowers, I mean they’re nice to look at but man.. it goes to waste. and i don’t rly like the idea of killing the flowrs for no reason, it’s not like i could dry them and keep them!

Sent my then-boyfriend this pic saying “thank you for the flowers” and he replied “you messaged the wrong boyfriend i have no money to buy you flowers” lmao.
This is the view from my balcony.. (that is the west wing btw, I’m in the east wing…)

Obviously, world class hotel gotta have world class spa.. so i paid a visit… fuck man it was the most amazing session I’ve ever had. -cries- I dislike massages a whole lot (one hotel actually gave me a crazy ache, i couldn’t move, felt like SHIT after the massage) but DAMNIT I’D GET A MASSAGE FROM THIS PLACE EVERY.SINGLE.DAY. YES WOMAN YOU MAY TOUCH ME (appropriately).

I think what nailed it for me was this really thick comforter they placed on me, and kept me toasty warm.. of course there was diamond / gold flakes in my facial.. what even… I didn’t get the soak cos I was in a rush.. hur.

But I did get a lovely foot bath.. Was afraid of kicking my masseuse’s face T_T but that woman was a pro. I don’t remember being that ticklish… I’d marry her if I could. that’s really how good it was.

Also, I wanted a ride on the camels… so off I went!

Random interruption: one of my outfits for dinner. covered max wtshit lol.

breakfast at the hotel was amazing. dips and more dips. seven types of hummus (but they don’t call it that). and camel milk. and date milk. love date milk. camel.. well, it tastes like how camel smells. lactose free  (or so the waiters told me) so i drank some.

camel on the left, date on the right

Anyhoo, enough about the amazing hotel. I was kinda scared to sleep in it at night so I left some lights on.  The hotel is.. huge. It takes me about 10 minutes to get from the lobby to my room.. And staying alone in such a big room? eek. I can actually imagine re-doing it to be a home hehe. but that’s just how huge it is… money is certainly not an issue here.

Did quite a lot of exploring… Thank goodness for chauffers because I’d have died taking public transport. gotta cover up + 46deg weather + humidity… Totes not my friend man.. Also, your camera WILL fog up.. T_T that was horrible man.

Some of the pics I took from the car!

Building that was designed to look like a date tree.

#FastSeven. have breathed the same air as vin diesel. can die happily now.

My fav building! because it looks utterly 2D.

Apart from sky scrapers, there’s not much to see.. houses all look the same sandy grey.. mostly due to sand storms lol. Roads are crazily empty…

This building looks like the beoplay a1 wtf hahahaha. love it.

Highlight of my sight-seeing.. visiting the sheikh zayed mosque. This was my only must-visit, and i’m damn glad i went! sadly i didn’t visit it at night (as i wanted…)

It was the day I also nearly got a damn heatstroke ok. I wore a long sleeveless tank dress, and to cover my arms, a long sleeved shirt… But no.. my dress had a slit.. and so I had to wear the abaya.. Not that I minded, but walau if i was gonna wear the abaya, then i’d just wear a tank top + shorts you know??? or just even a bikini… I’m not used to layering clothes so this was really horrible I was perspiring like crazy and thought i’d die. + it was difficult to breathe.. i guess you can say the place of worship took my breath away wtf.

Macik Tai!

If you notice the yellow-white domes, it’s due to the sand storm.. cleaners clean it every day but ya.. no point la hor. I guess this is what it means by taking pride in your job. doing it with the same amount of dedication day after day..

Reflections pool.

Spot the man at the top using a long ass rope and mop to clean the domes! CRAZY AMOUNT OF WORK… 

I love this mosque man. tranquil, serene, can sit and lean on a pillar reading the quran all day yknow? the design is just. out of this world lah. gold and marble everywhere. every pillar also got unique design walau how to win sia liddis.

I quickly explored the outdoor spaces, including the grand prayer square… and scurried into the indoor prayer halls.. got air con -thank allah/God (same person la)-

There are seven grand chandeliers in  the halls, specially designed for the mosque.. I don’t really like the designs, but here’s a pic I took!

Looks not too bad from below hor!

Beneath the smile i was dying wtf.

Went to a date shop.

Man asked if I wanted a date, I said ok. He said 50AED. I said woohoo ok. Then he threw me a packet of individually-wrapped chocolate coated almond dates (the equivalent of a turducken. lmao). I walked away disappointed I thought he wanted to go out with me on a date.. oh well… chances of marrying a middle easterner gone liao.. gone with the wind… during a sand storm…

Remember Fast seven? HAD TO VISIT JUMEIRAH TOWERS. High tea was so-so, view was awesome. Mostly because I got to see the city from above! disclaimer: pics look blurry, cos of all the sand on the windows wtf.

Emirates palace from above. see the two longgg driveways? for VVVVIPs.  This whole green plot belongs to the hotel. what even..

And anotehr amazing hotel just beside (i use this term damn loosely) emirates palace

The high tea set. I’d love high tea a lot more if they had 10 savoury things and 1-2 sweet things… lol. don’t have a sweet tooth, but hey i enjoyed myself!

My hair game was strong that day man. despite the humidty and tying of hair..

I actually wore shades indoors at Jumeirah, because on the ground floor it’s floor to ceiling glass lah. super bright i was tearing and all. felt like a douchebag ahhaha

I also had this BRILLIANT idea of booking uber chopper  (it’s avail in dubai!), and was willing to shell out a few hundred just for the experience.. downloaded uber, and they’re like ‘sorry, uber chopper isn’t available in your region’. aiya sad. cannot live the life of a sheikh…

paid yas marina a visit cos, f1!

Yknow how all good things must come to an end… bobian i had to go back to my country.

But first up.. a pit stop at the etihad’s first class lounge..

Food glorious food!

I worked right until take-off, then washed my face / brushed my teeth / changed into a fresh set of jammies.. 

I declined both dinner and breakfast. just wanted to ko! I was always working to wee hours in the morning, then had a full day of activities (waking up at 7ish, and getting back to the hotel at 10pm)..

Have you ever sat so far in front of the plane you got to see the aerobridge move towards you?? NEITHER HAVE I. Naturally, like a retard… I started waving to the man wtf. he didn’t wave back aiya sian. )=

my visit to Etihad’s Innovation centre)

So uhh in August (2016 lol) , on Nat day to be specific, I the ever-loyal servant to my country, took off to the land of oil and dates (the fruit, not the men. or could be both..)

I guess what didn’t hurt was this:img_6118

Thank you Etihad! img_6123

Muh Seat. On First Suites, seat 2A. Which worked for me because it’s a front facing seat. 1A is a back facing seat..img_4717

img_4726I was fretting over this trip because I was going to the middle east and i didn’t have many long-sleeved clothes and what not. My long skirts were huge and poofy, and so I ended up having quite a big luggage. Also, on my way there, I thought i’d sleep cos.. night flight. and BED. but no.. despite wearing socks my toes were freezing… and even w my blanket and pajamas.. i couldn’t fall asleep! so i was kinda grumpy…

While there, I paid a visit to Etihad’s innovation centre!

Highlight: viewing the entire range of first class seats available! but hey first up economy class…img_4924

img_4861Ok la not bad everyone can lean their heads to the side and sleep… no more irritating passengers leaning (and possibly drooling) on you.

And then we quickly moved to the business class… img_4862

img_4863I guess there’s more space / privacy buy i’ve always wondered.. for business class and above, if you’re travelling w your partner than you guys kinda have a barrier between the both of you? how to hold hands! I guess rich people don’t do that wtf flying budget certainly gives us very little space.. so bo bian must stick together.

Anddddd first suites.. which was what i flew on! this is only available on short and medium haul flights. comes w your own sliding door for added privacy!

img_4874This is the middle cabin. so you’ve them side by side. 




For long-haul flights, you get first apartments, and THE RESIDENCE. Yeah you gotta say it in caps.. otherwise it doesn’t sound that impressive. These are on the A380. So Etihad has actually dedidated the whole 2nd level to first class passengers, and they’ve their own ‘den’, yknow, a classy lounge to chill. Unfortunately you can’t invite your peasant friend from economy class to chill with you… But hayyy, you and your rich friends have the entire place to yourself!img_4879


if i remember correctly, there are only 8 First Apartments… First apartments comes with a separate chair and bed. for those who feel that’ it’s crazily trouble some to shift here and there…img_4883

Anddd it also comes with….img_4886Your very own dresser! Really can do the ‘woke up like this’ pic for IG.

img_4887Middle cabin seats. you can hold hands with your partner on this! Yeah i happen to think it’s really important. I hold hands w my partner when I sleep cos i can’t stand cuddling wtf. There’s no logical way how anyone can sleep while cuddling.

Long haul flights = showers. MMhmm… These are only for First Suite passengers of course.


Truth be told I can’t stand airplane bathrooms, makes me feel like puking all the time due to the lack of space and fresh air. I can’t imagine having to shower while flying but I guess that’s peasant talk T_T. I imagine it being similar to showering on a boat/yacht.

Think that’s great? WAIT TILL YOU SEE THE RESIDENCE: a three-room suite to yourself. a bedroom, living room, and bathroom.img_4893

I’ve seen the bedroom on ads / images featuring nicole kidman, and honestly I scoffed thinking, huh how can this bed fit two humans? it’s IMPOSSIBLE. I thought Etihad was lying joking ok. first up, the pillows looked too square and short..img_4894

But wait a min…img_4898Shit it can really fit two. Sorry Etihad.

img_4901Or maybe it’ll just fit one… I sleep on a king-sized bed at home, and I can’t really get used to sharing a bed with someone because I’m a rough sleeper. I’ve slept with friends before (sharing queen/king bed) and here’s what I’ve done to them:

1) stuck my toes into A’s knee pits
2) slapped B’s face
3) slapped C’s chest

Erm all of them woke up. For A I didn’t realise it. B and C.. Yeah the impact of my hand on something hard woke me up. For B I didn’t even apologise LOL. I thought to myself:  quickly remove your hand.. VERY GENTLY.. maybe B won’t even realise it. HAHAHAH JOKE. kena confronted the next morning.. as for C.. I mumbled sorry and quickly retracted my hand.

That said those weren’t any friendship-ending scenarios so…


I can’t decide where I’ll spend the most time! In the living or bedroom… hurhur… or even… the bathroom… (yea i’ve said it)img_4913

No shit man the bathroom’s so huge I won’t feel like puking. But depending on turbulence.. diff story lah. Also, it’s gorgrous! I LOVE the cut-out lights reflecting Eithad’s design! img_4914

Ahhh. Stepping into the innovation centre has given me more reason to work smart (and not just hard…) Maybe one day I’ll get to travel on business/first class for leisure. Till then, I’ve these memories for keepsake!

The worst day of my life

Super throwback to… SEPTEMBER 2016 because I’m a laggard )=.

So remember this?img_7533

I totes had to get my teeth removed. Unfortunately, the retard requires some extensive surgery.. So I settled for removing the runner-up (and its companion above).

Set a date.. went to the dentist on a Tuesday.

img_7534(Yes, removed my tongue stud, gotta make it easier for the dentist) BYEBYE LEFT TEETH!!

img_7535Took a few shots, gums/cheek was kinda numb…

I think it took about 10mins… Thank goodness I didn’t feel any pain… only some tugging, which was a lil weird..  Got to keep the teeth as a souvenir..  uhh. i basically just wanted to see how they’d look like.

img_7536Tadah? Bloody I know, plus there was a little bit of meat stuck to one of the teeth hahaah.

img_7546All cleaned up!

img_7538No pain no gain. in this instance, no pain cos i had painkillers… I went to the office to clear some stuff, and that’s where I started feeling a slight ache.. Handed in my MC and cabbed home!

img_7540Swell wasn’t that bad tbh! I showered,  and the ache got worse. Fml, painkillers were wearing off. Thought I could bear with it so I just tried to sleep… Then I started shivering as if I had a fever and I wanted to cry wtf. I actually started tearing uncontrollably. SUPER ACHEYYY. Decided not to be a hero wtf and popped some pills.. 15mins later, felt all better

img_7541I had a cell group meeting that night.. so I woke up and went.. 


Met at park bench deli and the only think I could drink was tomato soup. WITH A STRAW OK.


It’s kinda weird (ok omega) because I had gauze in my mouth, and then it’ll obviously soak up blood + soup urg urg cannot.

img_7545This was how pathetic I looked. Idk what I did, somehow opened my mouth too widely, then felt a tear and… I started bleeding again wtf. Sat at the table tearing while changing the gauze cos I’m disgusting like that. Nevertheless, I had a good time w them!


Wednesday… Woke up, no need for painkillers hooray! Breakfast: Broccoli soup.. with… a straw. -makes lovey eyes at momsy-img_7562Breakfast: Broccoli soup.. with… a straw. -makes lovey eyes at momsy-

img_7565Lunch: porridge with seasoning… through a straw.. throughout the day I also had barley through a straw ahahah

img_7569Still rather swollen, but that’s ok!

img_7574Solution: Get a cold pack, wrap it in a towel, and tie it to your head with raffia string.

img_7579All better now!

See, so two days passed, and I was all set~~ Not so much of enjoying my MC because I was always hungry / peeing because I drank so much.

Thursday, that’s when shit hit the fan. Woke up, and was like. fuckkk period’s here. as if i’m not bleeding enough already…

Went to shower, and oh my god it was the worst fuckin “that escalated quickly” in my life. I usually have a window period of an hour before I need painkillers, but by the time I was done with my shower and brushing my teeth, I was retching over the sink and feeling giddy.

Wore my tampon + pad + underwear (yes trust me you need to know this). Lay down on the floor (oh thank you seemingly-cool tiles). Didn’t feel better. Went to lie on my bed, was messaging cass, and I told her to call my home and get me some help cos something was wrong.

I have seriously not felt this way before man. I started shaking, and then before I knew it my hands started their own act. They both started clamping up (see pic below from google!)

I don’t know how I managed to open my room door (towel wrapped around me) and then I really couldn’t take it. my legs were buckling. So there I lay, on the floor… And thank heaven’s at that time I think my grandpa came out of his room, my house phone rang, my helper came upstairs… and there I was just shaking like I had fits or something.

Helper called an ambulance and then grabbed my meds for me. I don’t know how she managed to find them, go her! She propped me up (dead weight) and then fed me the medicine. And she got me a top to wear. by top I mean a white drifit shirt fml. AND NO SHORTS BECAUSE SHE THOUGHT MY UNWEAR WAS SHORTS.. In her defense I was wearing boxers (sadly, boxer briefs, for men. from h&m. the beckham collection. i got it as a bday present. uhh). Paramedics came, I was still shaking, and then I got sent to the hosp (NUH) wearing nothing but my underwear + t shirt!

I guess I fell asleep / died from the pain and cold. I had no phone / wallet with me so honestly I could have been thrown into a long kang and nobody would have known! Also, no spectacles.. But I think my grandpa / helper went to the hosp. Idk, nobody came to see me. I guess they aren’t allowed into an observation ward. I drifted in and out of sleep. Was super dehydrated and they put me on drip. Finally, I felt well enough to go home… And I was like..

“Oh shit. I’m near-naked (no bra). I’m in my underwear. I have NO proper footwear (they gave me bedroom slippers lol). I’m gna have to borrow a phone and get someone to pick me up! Do you realise how bad it looks?? DRI FIT WHITE SHIRT (so semi see through right), underwear, semi-blind, bedroom slippers, no phone. no wallet, really nothing sia.

Left the ward, and I heard someone call ‘char’! Woohoo, in my semi-blind state I saw a lady in yellow waiting for me! MY MOTHER. SHE CAME TO MY RESCUE!!! I borrowed her cardigan (the yellow thing she was wearing), despite the fact that yellow is so not my colour haha. Paid up, and she called my dad to pick us up (bless his soul, since he’s sick). Mind you at this time I feel super normal, like the morning episode never happened ok.

Waited for my dad outside the hospital at the waiting area.. and I don’t know how long my dad took but I started feeling a bit giddy / nauseous. Told my mum I felt awful, she gave me a sweet (I do get low blood sugar now and then).. But i didn’t feel any better.. instead.. I turned pale, lost all my strength and slumped on my mum fml. WAY TO GO RIGHT. She pried my mouth open and popped the sweet out, and then I started shaking again.. I don’t know how she did it, but she managed to call for help, and they got a wheelchair…

AND WHEELED ME BACK INTO THE HOSPITAL. by this time i had no idea what was going on but I guess they transferred me back to the bed, and I was shaking and crying so hard. my hands and legs… epic. i cried for my painkillers and nobody tended to me! T_T Wah but this one I’m really pissed off ok.

THE NURSE TOLD ME TO STOP SHAKING AND CRYING OMG. I think she thought I was faking or something but seriously WHY ON GUANYINGMA’S GRAVE WOULD I DO THAT. I kept asking her for my meds, just panadol, my mum most probably had it but then she was all WHY ARE YOU CRYING omg. at that time i rly wanna punch her, somemore my fits already sorta balled up right? I couldn’t control my tears leh, can’t control hands and legs also.

Anyway. I think i fell asleep, exhausted from all the crying. Woke up god knows at what time, and then realised they wheeled me back to the exact same spot as morning…

Once again, I felt perfectly normal, as if those two episodes were just nightmares, unable to harm me. I got a bed at about 1030pm that night. The hosp called my family and my sis and mum came over!! woo hoo.. And then I had to text razi +wan and explain why I didn’t turn up for dinner… Hah. Raz and wan finished their dinner and came over to find me. -hugs my friends-

Anyway, I was CRAZILY hungry ok. been more than 24hrs since I had food. not counting my drip in the morning…

Here’s a miserable me. they brought me clothes/jacket.. cos hospitals are super cold! ://

Anyway, back to my hungry point. I pressed the button..

me: hello can i have some food please
nurse: we dont have anymore food it’s nearly midnight..
me: Uhh not anywhere in the kitchen?
nurse: nope sorry


By this time my mum + sis went home, it was just wan and raz with me..
And the only thing open at that time? Mackers.  BO BIAN. Raz tried to call and order mcdelivery but waiting time was 1.5hrs. So…he took a bus home from NUH, got his car, drove to mcdonalds.. and came back with food.

-cries. seriously touched-

img_7599I got a nuggets meal + milo for energy. Woah, I can usually finish this in what, 10 mins, but because of my wisdom teeth removal, I couldn’t really open my mouth. I started eating at about 1am and finished at… 2am wtf. And i consider myself an expert in eating nuggets. 1 piece = 1 mouthful. But with my current state it was 1 piece = 10 mouthfuls. I took so long to finish that I only had 4 nuggets omg. waste food. so annoyed w myself!

Then my friends left sob sob and I was left to sleep for the night. I think I slept at about 2.30am after brushing my teeth and all… I was woken up throughout the night for blood pressure and all.

In the morning, the nurse came with food! And commented that I slept super late last night.. I had the ‘erm woman because u had no food for me and I had to wait for my friend to buy mcdonalds you know ‘ face. Really don’t know what to say… I guess ok nvm the nurse probably didn’t know I had no food… They probably think i’m a retard, get admitted to hosp, discharged, admitted again, gotta stay in, then order mackers… jialat max it does sound quite bad actually hahaha.
img_7600I had beehoon for breakfast! and apple juice and some fruit.. And my leftover milo peng hehe.

Slept after breakfast, and woke up for lunch..img_7603

Sweet and sour fish with porridge!


I had to keep explaining to the docs / student docs re what happened to me. And I don’t know lah! But I didn’t get any explanation other than ‘it happens sometimes’ OK I ALSO KNOW. EVEN LORD VISHNU CAN TELL YOU THAT LEH..  BUT HAPPENED 2X IN A DAY HULLO WHY U OFFER AS MUCH HELP AS WHEN I HUG BUDDHA’S LEG??

Anyway! they said i could be discharged!  which was.. uhh unsettling. Plus when I told them I was worried it’ll happen after I get discharged they told me they can’t predict! which is true lah! But why you discharge me! And if you can’t pinpoint the problem…

And they contacted my mum.. hoorah… thank you for saving me again~~ and also my dad who waited in the car (this time it wasn’t a wasted trip). So I said bye to my room.. 


No fond farewell. byebye hospital!

Man I really have so much respect for nurses! Their work, attitude, everything. It’s insane. the amount of patience they have (except the siao nurse who told me to stop shaking wtf).. the love they have for patients!! It’s a job that’s so freaking tiring, plus if patients throw a fuss, get angry etc, they gotta suck it up (and can’t even spit into their food hahha i kid) and still do their work. it’s such a thankless job… So I really appreciate them! It’s not easy having to put up with shit from patients while making sure they don’t die in the middle of the night.

After I got discharged, I had an appointment with a gynae, and now I’m on contraceptive pills. for 9 months. one pill a day for 3 weeks, and then period comes, then start the 2nd batch of pills on day 5 of my period.. wash rinse repeat for 9months. So far so good, I’ve been having lesser cramps, hopefully it’ll reset my entire period cycle shit. i’ve been having cramps since i got my period when i was 11, so can you imagine. every month since i’m 11 i’ve been eating painkillers, and the strength has only increased…

Anyway, i bumped into one of the nurses that looked after me! She looked so tired (but still pretty haha). and i went up to her and said hi. she said she rem me and even told me my bed number. Which could have been a sham because i don’t even knw which bed i was in.. LOL. She was getting a cup of coffee, guess she ended her night shift and was going home. so thank you nursesss. seriously. can’t thank people in the healthcare industry enough.


So apparently I now self-harm in my sleep

Two nights ago, I had this super warped dream.

There was a ntuc/sheng shiong plastic bag (can’t remember which, for the life of me). and it was filled with mealworms / grasshopper-like insects that were flatter, fatter and smaller in size. Instead of tying the bag and throwing it away, genius me decided I should transfer those pieces of shit into another plastic bag, THEN tie it up.

Took a pair of wooden chopsticks and grabbed them by the dozen. The mealworms started wriggling and dropping all over the floor fml. So I had to quickly ‘kiap’ them with my chopsticks.

Then the other grasshopper-like insects started jumping around. jumped out of the second plastic bag, onto the floor… AND ONTO MY FACE.

Started swatting them away, and flicking them off my forehead. was quite disgusted. Then one of it landed on the top left of my forehead, and so I smacked it super hard…

and then I woke up.


Now excuse me while I re-think my life.