fast five

UH HUH. SHITASS LONG POST AHEAD.

so fast five opened on 20th april 2011 in melb! awesome shitz. quickly checked out the timings the night before and planned my day.

was annoyed that they called it “fast and furious 5” i mean look, we didn’t call tokyo drift “fast and furious 3” right?! #anal

so anw joyce wanted to go watch… and i wanted to watch it alone (another post for another time).. so this was what happened

me: can i have 2 tix to fast five at 3pm please? and can i have the seats far apart?
guy: 0.0 uhhh okay…
me: thanks
guy: so let me clarify… 3pm tickets.. uhh, not seated together?
me: nope. like farrrr apart -does hand gesture-
guy: uhh.. okay..
me: yea.

THE SHOW WAS AAA-FUCKIN-MAZING.

hello?! vin diesel? sung kang? gal gadot? jordana brewster? dwayne johnson?! WHAT’S NOT TO LOVE? throw in hugh jackman and i’ve got myself a porno flick right there…

OKAY MUST TALK ABOUT THE CHARACTERS FIRST
-rubs hands in glee-

vin diesel

love.love.love. his voice is so deep i could…. okay nevermind. i was jizzing everytime he spoke (not literally of course). muscles? check. awesome voice? check. attitude? check. tight white shirt? check. you cannot hate this guy! his daughter is the luckiest woman in the world -weeps uncontrollably-

sung kang

j told me she saw him in mad tv.. which does spoofs.. but i’ve only seen him while watching tokyo drift. where he dies. -sobs- and they brought him back in ff4, where i gather is the prequel to TD because he said “he’s going to tokyo to check out the place” or something.

I LOVE THIS GUY. marry me please? the kid can have your cool whatever attitude, and my eyes. but.but.but seriously. marry me. his floppy hair, his really cute voice.. i know it’s his acting and it isn’t him but still..

and i assume fast five is ALSO the prequel to tokyo drift cos he’s alive. in that case, JUSTIN LIN BRING BACK MICHELLE RODRIGUEZ. OH WAIT I THINK YOU HEARD MY PRAYER.

gal gardot

never thought i’d see her after she was working for braga.. smoking hot omg i’m so glad she got a bigger role in this show! her accent is smokinnnnn seriously and i loved how they got her and han together it was soooo cute. ❤ especially the last part when they were making out while driving. -coughs-

and her nose… to die for.PLUS DEEP SET EYES.

jordana brewster

erm. hot. hot. hot. caught my eye in f&f. embarrassing secret: she’s one of the bigger reasons why i let myself have bangs. the other reason was cos i wanted to be an egyptian princess (the mummy returns, the princess!)

she loves cars, she’s up foshit, she doesn’t back down, she’s super strong yet there’s also this tiny vulnerable part where she wants to keep her family together and damn, this girl is amazing. and she has an awesome jawline i swear…

dwayne johnson

i still need to forgive dwayne johnson for going from my fav wwf (yea in my time it was still wwf!) wrestler, to the fairy in “tooth fairy”. i loved him in “the scorpion king” though!

so he was acting as hobbs, some awesome police guy. one thing i hated? his beard. FOR FUCK’S SAKE, SHAVE THAT DAMN PUBIC HAIR OFF YOUR FACE. i swear everytime they showed a close up shot of DJ I WAS CRINGING IN MY SEAT and cursing. why did he need to have the pubic hair?!?!

okay so maybe it’s to differentiate DJ from vin diesel. since both are muscular and bald and utterly hot. BUT COME ON…. those who are watching the show, i assume they’d be fans of the whole ff series right? if not please get out of the theatre YES IM AN ELITIST LIKE THAT -flips hair-

wait, here’s a picture

the beard thing was such a turn off oh goodness now i’m thinking about how i can endure 2hrs of that the next time i watch it. (i intend to watch it a few more times in the theatres)

okay moving on from the really amazing cast (i don’t really like paul walker) the plot was.. from a really unbiased opinion? it was stupid. seriously.

has no one watched the oceans trilogy? or the italian job? what a rip off! there was nothing much about cars! sure the stealing, the open air ‘garage’ with hot girls and cars.. but other than that? whutttt. i.dont.even……

it was a nutcrack job seriously. the min d.toretto said stuff like he needed people and he knew the right people for the job i was like ‘oh nooo you can’t be serious..’ i felt like i was watching the above said movies, with a hotter and better cast..

can you please let the next installment be better? i love the whole series, i’m a major fan, but it was utterly BORING. the filming and art direction? amazing. storyline? FAIL. it was sooo cliche especially when hobbs went to open the huge silver safe. DUH EVERYONE COULD’VE GUESSED THAT IT’D BE EMPTY COME ON WE’RE NOT IDIOTS )=

-starts throwing pop corn, raising fist-

but because i’m biased like that, i still loved the show. especially when hobbs decided to help them (= i was like ‘fuckyeahhhhh’ ahaha.

i will def be watching the whole series over when my exams are over! dvds box set come to mama!

and yes i’m gonna watch it alone again!